Follow
Share

My dad has been diagnosed with dementia he also talks crazy an says off the wall stuff asks if I see furniture floating in water do I see fire which he points to a blank wall. He is also almost totally blind. He has just been told he can no longer drive. My parents an I have a house together cause they are both on social security an social security Disability. I'm trying to help my mom find out what she can do or what they have as options. Cause my dad is starting to wander outside the house at all hours of the night. An waking everyone up yelling to un lock the door or he's calling the police. He will leave the doors wide open an forget to shut them an he wonders. Sometimes to neighbors houses or down the street. My mom is afraid one night he may get hit or worse. I told her to call an figure something out. However she called Medicare an they pretty much told her she has no options. An they don't have a big income so they can't afford a nursing home. So my mom really doesn't know what to do. An I feel bad for her cause my dad is a very mean person an very argumentive. However we know most of it is do to his dementia,but I mean there has to be something out there some help somewhere when people lose their minds so to speak. My mom has gotten a POA on him however we don't know if that helps. An we were told to get him on Medicaid however I talked to many people an seen my mom go thru that with her dad here in michigan. An they fought his approval on Medicaid all the way till the day he died an then they called my mom an said he was approved after he already was passed. So if she can't get him on Medicaid what other options does she have he's 83 by the way. So that's my long question cause we are struggling with knowing what to do?....Thanks Amanda

Find Care & Housing
She (and you) needs to start by going to your local Agency on Aging. There should be an office somewhat near you. You can find it by googling it for locations in your area. They should be able to help. If they end up not really helping or not helping fast enough, I'll tell you the next steps, but start there. Actually, even before doing that, I would start by applying for LTC Medicaid with the state. You should be able to do this on the state's social services website. For LTC Medicaid, your father's assets need to be below a certain amount, and his income may need to be structured in a way that qualifies him. The rules vary from state to state, and with a married couple with a house it gets more complicated, so it may be best to hire an attorney to help with that. Medicaid will not leave your mother without income and the house. She will be able to stay in the house as long as she can, as can you. Then you start the process of looking for a nursing home that you like and that will take him under Medicaid pending.

If that process doesn't go smoothly, or happen fast enough, then your next step is to either call APS, or call 911 if dad wanders again. Tell the police you are scared, not safe, and he needs to be transported to the hospital to be checked out. Once there, you have to convince the hospital to not release him home, that it is unsafe, and that you are unable to keep him safe. Depending on the hospital you might need to fight hard, or if they do send him home, keep sending him back. Eventually APS will get involved or the hospital will find a place for him.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to mstrbill
Report

Wow, this is a lot. So you have a house together and live together? What are you doing to keep dad from wandering? Any locks (which you have to be very careful of)? Or door alarms? He can't be allowed to wander. So unsafe.

Most people can't afford a nursing home on their income. Sometimes from savings and when there is nothing then you get LTC medicaid to pay for the nursing home. You should not pay any of your own money for your parents care. You need your money for you and your future.

Regarding driving - don't wait for DMV. You should disable his car and/or hide the keys. He is NOT safe to be driving. He could kill an innocent person.

He needs to be on meds to stop the wandering and keep him from violence. If your mom is afraid of him, that's not OK.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to againx100
Report

mandy25, welcome to the forum. I read at one time that at night placing a black throw rug in front of the doors, leading to outside, will cause the person with dementia to think there is a hole in the floor, thus be afraid to step into the dark spot. It's worth a try.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to freqflyer
Report

Medicare is a health insurance. Medicaid is what you need. If your parents have only their monthly income, applying should be simple. I would call your Social Services and ask for an appt to sit down with a Medicaid caseworker to talk about placement. I would also be taking Dad to a Neurologist to get a formal diagnosis of what type of Dementia he has. His blindness may have something to do with his hallucinations. A sensory thing.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Congratulations concerning if your parents are homeowners and if you are next in line for the important responsibility of family care-coordination and housekeeping generationally through deed.

Do you love and trust your healthcare and real estate power of attorney?

Even if the keys were confiscated, can you keep the car title in your family?

Sorry, the other foundational concepts seem to matter.

Much respect.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Cklaney2013
Report

Amanda:
It is time to call APS in your area to report this very unsafe situation. That will prioritize their visit to your household. I think that given the wandering your father has advanced to the stage where he does require placement.
APS or your local council on aging is going to be providing you with pointers about who to consult regarding applications for Medicaid if needed, division of finances if needed (so that no one attempts to access your mom's social security to pay for your father's care and etc). This can get legally complicated in the case of a couple and you really need expert guidance.

I am uncertain whether or not your father is fully diagnosed? You and Mom need to take him back for neuro exam if not. His hallucinations sound very like Lewy's Dementia to me; they can be exceptionally realistic, almost like a movie. Ask the MD how you can get social services guidance, as well. Contact his supplemental insurance also. Good luck.

Place a call to APS today and ask for a visit for guidance on a senior seriously at risk.
I wish you the best. I hope you find help for yourselves.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
JuliaH Nov 1, 2024
I have no experience with Lewy's dementia but that's crazy stuff. If I were to have this happen to me, I'd be thinking near death as my father was seeing things and people in his garage and bed in his final days.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
There is help for you. You just need to talk to the right people. Immediately make appts with:
1. Area council on Aging Staff
2. Elder Attorney (it is worth skipping a few meals too pay for this person)
3. Neurologist (to get diagnosis which will be required by medicare)
4. meals on wheels (to relieve your mother just a bit)
5. AmeriCorps for Seniors
6. If you don’t have access to a computer go to local library..they are so helpful
7. Benefits CheckUp ( go online-help with food, medical, etc.)
8. https://www.gofundme.com/c/blog/financial-help-for-seniors (there is a huge
list of places to contact for help with food, medical, house repairs, pet care, legal advice, everythig. You have to go on the internet to get this information.

Meanwhile put locks on doors, call dr. for medication to help with anxiety and sleeplessness, call a mobile medical service to come to your home -saves you so many trips, gas, stress.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to RetiredBrain
Report
AlvaDeer Nov 1, 2024
I was so unaware of #5 and #8. Thanks, Brain!
(2)
Report
He is a big danger to himself with his wanderings. Get him into locked MC asap. Otherwise someone will call APS and it might be taken our of your hands. Speak to his doctors, start looking for a facility. Be aware that sharing a home with someone who eventually goes on Medicaid will affect your inhertiance. You need to speak to an elder attorney in your state to see how bad it can get with the home title.
And unfortunately if it is Lewy Body, there is a limit on what meds can do
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to MACinCT
Report

mandy25: Speak to the social worker in your parents' town's Council on Aging.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

Are you in the area? there to help them out / support your mom?

While it sounds like this situation needed to be managed years ago, we do what we can when we can - as you now.

I recommend:

* You hire a medical social worker to assess the situation.
* Find out WHY they do not qualify for Medicaid - what do they say? Get documentation of requirements.

* If there is nothing else to do, you need to get in caregivers to assist - and this is expensive, too.

* Your dad should not be living like this without supervision 24/7. It is unsafe for your mom, too. As she indicate she is afraid.

* Call Adult Protective Services and ask them to make a housecall.

* Do they own their own home? If so, it is time to move them closer to you and/or find a way to gain / acquire financial resources to pay for their future, if not more immediate, housing needs. I realize all this takes time.

You / the family needs to be present to manage this.
I doubt your mom can manage the situation with a POA or not. Although that will help. Hire an attorney what specializes in elder care / medicaid issues.

Usually - when there is a house involved and/or 'enough' money where a person doesn't qualify for public / government assistance, they ARE on their own. It is a very cruel way we 'honor' our elders in this country. We do not.

I think the best you can do now is to hire an attorney specializing in this area and find a medical social worker to help you. I am heartbroken to read what happened to your mother when getting her dad medicaid. It is so very sad. I feel for you and your mom and hope that you can find some resolution.

You / your mom must have locks on the doors so your father cannot 'just' walk out of the house. A med social worker would be able to help you 'safeguard' the house although he may likely need some medication to keep him calmed down.

I am hoping others here may be able to give you more support / ideas than I have. However, I am very happy that you wrote us here as you never know what support / advice will help you/r family.

Gena / Touch Matters
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to TouchMatters
Report

Start by recognizing that your dad is having problems since the world doesn't make sense to him. He is having anxiety which leads to agitation and leads to aggressive behavior. So, an appointment with a doctor makes sense. The doctor can prescribe medications to help: some to help him sleep better (as in through the night) and some to help him relax (so he doesn't act so mean). Since he seems to be having hallucinations, I would suggest asking the doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist - preferably a geriatric psychiatrist. He may need some psychotrophic medications to help with the hallucinations. When dad is on the these medications, he will be much easier to manage.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Taarna
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter