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Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Mostly Independent
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see an attorney and cover everything, that even means your retirement because he could be entitled and if he doesn't understand or can't do anything, he won't be able to sign off indicating he doesn't want anything to do with that. just saying.....be very careful
As far as I know, divorce laws vary from state to state but since you've already stayed married to him for 20 years since the stroke, if there's any financial benefit in your staying married on paper, you may want to consider it. I'm sure you have probably paid your dues along the way and it is only a piece of paper after all. on the flip side you could get hit with some heavy duty medical bills as time goes by, so you need to consider the risk versus benefit. Of course it's none of my business but when has that ever stopped me from weighing in on a situation? lol I wish you well in your journey.
Sorry, didn't read everything. I live in NJ and had a friend who didn't even know she was divorced till she got the final papers. I agree, check with a lawyer.
You've could have some major considerations to make, if not major issues to face.
1. You wrote your husband is "not able to sign or even understand what's going on." That may be a bigproblem, since he could neither consent to or challenge a divorce. This concept blends the area of divorce law and compromised individuals unable to make decisions.
2. You have a choice of venues, or jurisdictions. One is Texas, one is New Jersey. Those are two vastly different states, and I'm thinking that there will be different divorce statutes as well as different attitudes by the prevailing judges. A matrimonial attorney would probably research divorce cases in NJ to determine what you might expect and how you might be treated as a woman divorcing a husband who seems for all practical purposes to be unable to even understand a divorce proceeding.
4. Your husband's physical status beyond ability to comprehend raises the possibility of your being required to provide some assistance for his support, depending on your assets.
5. Another possible issue is whether a court would determine that your husband isn't capable of defending himself (which it seems is the case) and decide that you should pay his legal fees. If you have assets and he doesn't, that could be a possibility.
Or a judge could appoint an attorney, or a temporary guardian or conservator, to represent your husband in the divorce. If so, it's likely the fees would be your responsibility and you'd be obligated to pay them for your husband.
6. Some states have mandatory separation periods before divorce, but that may also work against you since you've been separated for so long. On the other hand, it may work for you since there's apparently no chance of reconciliation.
7. You'll need to find out if Texas and/or NJ have "no fault divorces" which can smooth the process and reduce the acrimony since no cause of action needs to be stated or proved.
I'm not trying to discourage you, but rather to seek advice from both an elder law and a family law (or "matrimonial law") attorney so you know exactly what to expect. I'd look for a mid-sized, reputable firm with attorneys in both practice areas; they can work together on addressing the complex issues in this situation.
So the issues are whether you can but whether it's advisable and/or what it may cost you in the short and/or long term, especially if you're ordered to pay his legal fees.
wow, this is great I'm not worry about benefits, because at this point he has none and never had any I was the ins. holder until he received Medicare. He dose have some family that still live in NJ. I was asking because he in another state and not able to sign or even understand what's going on. Because of my religion I would like to maybe meet someone and not spent the rest of my life alone. Thank you for all the advice.....
Your question might be two-fold as others have mentioned. Do you still get benefits by being married to him? Or do you totally want to get away from him by divorce?
Go with the Expert Answer.....check out the finance matters first. And if you want a divorce after being apart for more than 20 years. it sure as heck isn't any of MY business why. Perhaps you are asking because you live in different states, and the fact that he is now in a nursing home. I have no answers for you. Again, go with the Expert Answer. Good luck.
Obviously there were some reasons you did not divorce before. What makes it different now?Is he running out of financial support? A divorce has a cost . Are there children ? If you have developed another relationship and want to marry I guess you need to resolve your first marriage. Is he able to make a decision? Or is there a POA? Will he understand what is going on? Hopefully he has some type of support system since it will, after a divorce, legally absolve you from any responsibility.
Unless you want to remarry, you should figure the financial aspects. In some cases divorce would be better for you and if so, you shouldn't feel guilty under these circumstances.
If some cases you would be worse off. Your problem could be that since you're legally married and your spouse may be running out of funds, you may still be legally responsible. I'd suggest that you see an elder law attorney to see what your financial obligation is.
Nothing means that you can't get divorced if you want to remarry, but you could still, possibly, carry some financial obligations. Legal advice should straighten that out.
It says in your profile you are caring for your wife. Not that it makes a difference either way that I can see, but which way round is it?
I'm also just curious about what aspect of your life you want to move on with now that you haven't been contentedly pursuing while still married for the last twenty years. Unless it's that you want to remarry, what's changed that requires a divorce? Why bother?
Are you eligible for any benefits he may have since you are not divorced yet? Think about what financial issues are bound to come up. Is he competent? You will be dealing with his POA if not.
Well....you sure don't rush into things (just joking).
Check with a family law attorney in your area. If you're low income, there's usually a Legal Services that does family law or helps with filling out forms so you can do your divorce pro se. Each state's laws are different and since we're talking about extenuating circumstances and spouses in different states....I strongly urge you to speak with an attorney.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
1. You wrote your husband is "not able to sign or even understand what's going on." That may be a bigproblem, since he could neither consent to or challenge a divorce. This concept blends the area of divorce law and compromised individuals unable to make decisions.
2. You have a choice of venues, or jurisdictions. One is Texas, one is New Jersey. Those are two vastly different states, and I'm thinking that there will be different divorce statutes as well as different attitudes by the prevailing judges. A matrimonial attorney would probably research divorce cases in NJ to determine what you might expect and how you might be treated as a woman divorcing a husband who seems for all practical purposes to be unable to even understand a divorce proceeding.
4. Your husband's physical status beyond ability to comprehend raises the possibility of your being required to provide some assistance for his support, depending on your assets.
5. Another possible issue is whether a court would determine that your husband isn't capable of defending himself (which it seems is the case) and decide that you should pay his legal fees. If you have assets and he doesn't, that could be a possibility.
Or a judge could appoint an attorney, or a temporary guardian or conservator, to represent your husband in the divorce. If so, it's likely the fees would be your responsibility and you'd be obligated to pay them for your husband.
6. Some states have mandatory separation periods before divorce, but that may also work against you since you've been separated for so long. On the other hand, it may work for you since there's apparently no chance of reconciliation.
7. You'll need to find out if Texas and/or NJ have "no fault divorces" which can smooth the process and reduce the acrimony since no cause of action needs to be stated or proved.
I'm not trying to discourage you, but rather to seek advice from both an elder law and a family law (or "matrimonial law") attorney so you know exactly what to expect. I'd look for a mid-sized, reputable firm with attorneys in both practice areas; they can work together on addressing the complex issues in this situation.
So the issues are whether you can but whether it's advisable and/or what it may cost you in the short and/or long term, especially if you're ordered to pay his legal fees.
Perhaps you are asking because you live in different states, and the fact that he is now in a nursing home. I have no answers for you. Again, go with the Expert Answer. Good luck.
If some cases you would be worse off. Your problem could be that since you're legally married and your spouse may be running out of funds, you may still be legally responsible. I'd suggest that you see an elder law attorney to see what your financial obligation is.
Nothing means that you can't get divorced if you want to remarry, but you could still, possibly, carry some financial obligations. Legal advice should straighten that out.
Best wishes to you,
Carol
I'm also just curious about what aspect of your life you want to move on with now that you haven't been contentedly pursuing while still married for the last twenty years. Unless it's that you want to remarry, what's changed that requires a divorce? Why bother?
Check with a family law attorney in your area. If you're low income, there's usually a Legal Services that does family law or helps with filling out forms so you can do your divorce pro se. Each state's laws are different and since we're talking about extenuating circumstances and spouses in different states....I strongly urge you to speak with an attorney.