... so after much trial and error, I've split the caregiving of my father between a paid caregiver and myself (I had to do it for my sanity).
Though we have someone to stay with him from 7 PM to 7 AM Saturday nights, he really struggles during the day (to the point of being sad that he isn't going to the Adult Day Center as he does during the week).
My ultimate delimma is that weekend days are the only times when I can get rest from my job (and even that's a stretch), and I enjoy lounging around and catching up on house chores. Daddy, on the other hand, gets EXTREMELY board and restless.
Dad doesn't like to DO much (he was at an ALF and NEVER attended the activities). He enjoys fishing, but I HATE the sport. Due to his limited sight and decreasing motor skills "fishing" is more of someone else setting up and baiting the line while Daddy sits there and holds the pole,,,for about two minutes before he unsucessfully attempts to reel in the line only to tangle it.
My BF has taken him "fishing" twice but of course they don't catch anything because Daddy doesn't get the line in the water. My BF's increasing job demands have him working most weekend days or trying to catch up on rest.
I have googled senior activities, but I don't think Dad will go to any of them. Is it wrong for me to feel a little trapped by this set up? We certainly can't afford to bring in any more help/companionship, but I don't want to be the chauffer or sweater (Dad keeps his house at about 85 degrees ALL THE TIME) on the few days that I have off.
Any suggestions?
Just some thoughts. I think its great that you split the time with your BF to help dad, and it helps you too, for time to rest. Also check at some of the senior centers nearby, and even alot of the asst. living places like to have guests come in to interact or help with a project with their residents. So he'd be watched and taken care of there on the days/hours he'd be there volunteering. Good luck, you are doing a great job already, I'm sure you'll get this weekend snag smoothed out : )
Remember that with dementia activities wont last long. Its good to have a lot of choices ready and then just keep giving him another one to do. I bought Mum a toddlers colouring book and some pencil paints and she likes to colour them in. Crayons or ordinary pencils would work just as well
Jigsaws are likely to be out for him unless he can manage the childrens ones which are easier to handle.
Mum used to knead dough for me but can't manage that any more because she lacks the strength but she can scrape or peel potatoes. BTW I dont ask her if she wants to I ask her to do them for me.
She likes to garden and although it is messy I put plastic all over the kitchen floor and get her to put the plants in the plant pots for me.
She folds my laundry for me - takes ages because she has to smell each item but hey she enjoys it
I have a photo album she likes to go through and I can do the chores while she tells me about the pictures
After Christmas and birthdays she cuts up cards to make gift tags which we sell at the church bazaars.
She has always liked maps and an atlas will amuse her for hours. On more lucid days she can tell me where she has been
If he likes fishing there is a gam he can play with anyone really it invilves 'paper fish' in a big bowl with magnets on them and a fishing rod with a magnet for a hook. Each fish has a number on it and you hook 5 fish each
You add the totals together and the one with the highest number wins.
He might find playdo (not sure what you call it in the states useful. he can model with it but the actual handling is therapeutic.
Just some suggestion that might ease your weekends xxx good luck
http://www.alz.org/living_with_alzheimers_101_activities.asp
My sole contribution is to think of your weekend as a medical retreat. Doctors would tell you that you need time for yourself, R & R time, and that if you don't take some you yourself may become more vulnerable to illness. So these weekend respites can be considered mental and physical health treatments. We all need to take care of ourselves, not just because it's common sense but because it helps renew our spirit to go back to the caregiving activities which are so demanding.
But I think I understand what you're going for here. You need some time alone. Not every activity should be 'we'. So maybe your dad would like to garden while you do something else?
While mother could still get around, she also liked to sit on the front porch watching people and cars go by. She'd do for long chunks of time - until she had to go to the bathroom.
Watching a ballgame with a glass of beer was a feel-good activity for him. He liked watching golf and college basketball, too.
BTW, I don't like listening to television or videos, especially at the volume he needed them. Wireless ear phones were a godsend.
My mother loves sorting things. Sometimes I dump my bulging coin purse and she sorts the coins and puts them in little baggies for me. I bought a huge jar of large plastic beads that she could sort by color for the crafts program. Sometimes I bring socks into the NH and ask her to help me match them up. She takes it seriously and is glad to help me out. Many persons with dementia seem to like being able to impose order on chaotic things. I think I'll bring in my button box for Mom to sort by color. Screws and bolts and washers would work, too.
I see other NH residents doing word-find puzzles and crosswords, and some love putting jigsaws together.
or alphabetically - I think she has gone back to her youth when she used to be a filing clerk
I said to him you know you sell screws in small numbers not the packets of 50 (when all you want is one good screw (no risque comments please.) Well I was thinking would it help for them to be put in small packets of 5 or ten say for you to sell that way? We could put them in money bags. Well he said it isnt worth the money of doing all that. not to be put off I said what if I took a thousand screws and put them all in bags of ten for you. Then I went on to explain that my mum was bored and I needed something to keep from being bored and she liked sorting things. Well the darling m,an has just been with a huge bag of mixed screws that have to be sorted by size and then into bags - Mum is as happy as Larry sat there sorting them. I've made him no promises about how long that would take (I know she will do it properly this seems to be inherent in hewr) and he understands and said I just wish I'd thought of that when Dad was ill. He's promised her a bag of jellies when she has done them.. bless him
Happy days ahead me thinks
After a wonderful morning - she sorted the lot. She then had a la la moment
After wanting to know why we had all the screws and me telling her - she said well I have done that now and scooped them all bag into the bag before i could stop her!
Toddler play groups, weekend sleepover for teens, what about for seniors? You could invite (other caregivers) to bring over a friend from the weekly adult daycare to your home for a few hours. Then take Dad to their home next month.
Obviously, this may not work except in the rare circumstance, but maybe someone can pick up this idea and expand on how it could work. Otherwise, could we just hear silence from any naysayers.
Be sure to pick up your loved ones on your way home, don't forget now.
Sorry, couldn't help myself.
Are you sure your Mum is not playing with your mind?
I wont go into details but she swears she didn't yet I actually felt her doing it. Well she has cooked her own goose, I am now back to taking tramadol which wipes me out so well done Mum you crack on because I am going to sleep now
Sometimes the reality of him becoming a child is hardest. My Dad was once so vibrant and strong... it's hard to take in sometimes....