My mom has recently been moved to long term at the nursing home. She was living with me, my husband, and 4 children until I just couldnt care for her anymore as her PSP progressed for the worse. Now she doesnt want to be there and has been very depressed and manipulative. I am at a loss at what more I can possibly do for her. The staff at the nusing home is afraid of her because she reports them all for things they didnt even do then cries to me that they are mean to her. I have talked to the staff over and over and they tell me how she asks for her meds and they tell her its not time yet and she will cry and say they are mean and witholding her meds and thats just the tip of the iceberg on her behavior.
When I get there and she sees me immediately she starts crying and yelling at me that they are abusing her and I need to get her out of there. When i try to explain to her whats going on she just doesnt listen. I am at a complete loss and dread going to visit every time when I shouldnt feel that way. The visits consist of nothing but crying and accusations and how I abandoned her there which isnt fair at all because I tried so hard to care for her at my home but just couldnt do it with a full time job and 4 children. I feel guilty and at a loss at this point. I am not sure how to deal with her behavior anymore. My kids dont even like to go there anymore because they dont like to see how she treats me. She makes up stories such as yesterday she said the staff killed the woman next to her in the room and i said no I just saw her in the hallway. She was insistent that they killed the woman and then they wheel her in and IZm like see she is alive! Why is she doing these things? Has anyone else had these kind of experiences? She has some dementia but forgets small things it is not that bad and the staff feels she is manipulating me to get her out of there. I am at my wits end..its constant stress 15+ phone calls a day of the same thing. I would love if anyone can share similar experiences or ways they have coped. I appreciate any feedback!
Is it your mother or the NH calling you so often during the day? If it is your mother, perhaps you can screen her calls and talk to her when you have time. If the call is from the NH staff, they may not be skilled in handling the dementia that can be part of PSP, so are having problems. Perhaps you can locate a NH that is more skilled in handling what may be frontal lobe symptoms if it becomes too disruptive for them.
If your family and NH know that it is disease talking, you may be able to handle it better. My thoughts are with you.
I am surprised the nursing home is not handling this! They are the trained experts and why are they reacting to her behavior when they are supposed to KNOW?
Before you blow a gasket, I would go to admin and get it settled. Everyone needs to quit ENABLING HER on both sides. It is very sad, but if she is on the correct meds, she is safe, the staff is aware of her symptoms/behaviors--maybe they all need a class-- then all is being done.
You need to take some time to regroup for yourself, first, then for your precious kids and husband. Breathe deeply and often. xo
First: She will likely become better adjusted and more settled after a while. The way it is now is not the way it will be forever.
Second: See about getting her an antidepressant or pain medication to relieve the internal discomfort. It's easier to get her to take medication that she previously refused, especially if they don't tell her it's for "being mental," as the kids would say.
Third: Pay someone to visit her once a week. Ask for someone who is cheerful but not too cheerful, someone who will agree that her life sucks and then make her laugh. You can't do that because "it's all your fault." I know it wouldn't be cheap, but if you know a younger person or someone from the neighborhood who would do it for $20 bucks a visit, that might work. She will behave nicely to them because they are outsiders. It will improve her self-esteem and mood to be a charming person for an hour. You will have done something to make her happy, and can discard some of your guilt.
You are doing the right thing. Hang in there.