As many of you know, I made the decision to put my 91-year-old mother into hospice care on January 2. She'd been eating less and less since November, had a leg wound that turned septic in mid-December, and was in the hospital from 12/17-1/2. She hasn't eaten anything solid since she went in the hospital over a month ago, and she's dropping weight like crazy. She's barely opened her eyes in that entire time, and she just sleeps all day. She also has been refusing to take her medication.
I've been getting regular updates from the nurses at her memory care facility as well as from the hospice nurse, and while she's barely conscious and refusing everything but a single Ensure most days, she does still have pretty good vital signs and is strong enough to take a swing at the nurses when they poke and prod her too much. The nurses send me pictures of her, and she looks dead already. I've spent every day waiting for "The Call" to tell me the end is near.
This morning the nurse sent me a text saying, "Mom says 'Good Morning!'" along with a picture of my mother sitting up in bed, bright-eyes and bushy-tailed with a big grin on her face. This is my mother about six YEARS ago, not even a couple of months ago! The nurse said Mom wanted her to turn on the lights in the room, asked why she was in bed, and was very compliant about taking her meds and swigging her Ensure. She then requested a chile relleno for lunch, which I dutifully brought to her.
I went tearing over there to see through the window for myself, and sure enough, she was dressed, weirdly clear-eyed (she has terrible macular degeneration and normally looks blind with eyes half-closed), and sitting up in her wheelchair. Her legs, which have been horribly swollen with edema, are thin, and I saw her ankles for the first time in probably 20 years. She's always been pretty heavy, and her middle is still large, but her legs are like sticks compared to how they once where. She was definitely weak and didn't seem strong enough to cough when she needed to, but she was far healthier than she was pre-Covid lockdown. As I said, she seems like she was in 2014, except I don't think she was totally clear on who I was, which is a recent development since her hospital stay.
Yes, the hospice organization sent us the book about the stages of dying, and yes, I know about how sometimes a person will rally a bit before the end, but do they rally to THIS extent, or has she magically turned a corner? Considering she hasn't eaten as much in two months as she'd eat in a normal week, I can't believe she has this kind of energy, and I would assume that just today's activities will wipe her out tomorrow, but what on earth are we seeing here?
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
Peace.
I am so very sorry. Wishing you peace during this challenging and heartbreaking situation.
Many hugs.
Well, I guess she was just a little too perked up for the gods, and the day after her big rally she was diagnosed with COVID. Unbelievable.
She was in a rehab hospital the last week in December, and the health department has now traced six other people who were there when she was and have now tested positive. I feel so bad for the staff at that hospital, because they worked so hard to keep everyone safe.
Mom's got a minimal cough, no fever, and they have her on oxygen to help dry out her lungs a bit. She's back in bed again and sleeping all day, but she's still drinking at least one Ensure each day.
I guess we'll just take this change as we have all the others -- one day at a time.
Yes. All you can do is as you said: "take things one day at a time".
Awhile later, when he returned, it was indeed, the end of life for him.
When he rallied the second time, I told the hospice nurse that he would walk out again. She responded, “No, not this time.” I realized that I was in denial that he was dying.
If you knew my brother, you would get why I felt that way. He was a cat with nine lives! At last though, he was on his last life.
The nurses told me that during their nursing careers they saw people they thought for sure were at the end of the road recover and those that looked like they would recover take a fatal turn for the worse. No one can truly say.
I do feel that hospice nurses overall are so in tune with signs of an upcoming death in a person.
I pulled my grandfather out of a nursing home and he lived about another five years in a very healthy state.
He then died in his sleep.
He was failing in the nursing home.
Short rallies are real, too. Everyone is different.
i am forever grateful that my grandmothers passed in October before the start of the pandemic. It’s so hard on loved ones not being able to be there, provide affection, hold their hands, and with the GD masks on even communicate with elders who may rely on lip reading to some extent due to hearing problems.
Heck, even I rely on lip reading to some extent and I’m only 41!
i understand and you have every right to feel down. I hear you!!
xo
hazelthebunny
Being in her own home with family to come and go.... was a miracle of life. She began to sit up and take nutrition.
4 years later.... my friends sweet mother did pass in her own bed peacefully one night.
I arrive the next am, hear a lot of noise down the hall in her bedroom. She was out of bed teaching them Irish step dancing!! Most rallies last a couple of days (as did this woman's).
My beloved Dad's rally was stunning. Up out of bed, reading financial documents from the condo board and could hear conversation in normal levels. He had been profoundly hard of hearing despite hearing aids for years. Dad's rally lasted TEN days. I am forever grateful we had that special time with him.
The difficult part of this phenomenon, is 'letting down' your emotions that you have prepared for the impending death and feeling it is not happening soon. Take this last blessing, it will bring much comfort later. Godspeed
He looks great and is up walking with his walker.
I am happy with improvements. I do not question this, but I praise God. But yes. I think their condition can fluctuate.
I would suggest NOT questioning too deeply whether she is turning a corner or rallying for the moment. People do not live for long with limited nutrition or hydration. Her current prolonged fasting may have temporarily helped her problems with overloaded fluids and a very damaged heart. Enjoy the moment of clarity. Talk to her on the phone. Have other family members and friends do the same.
I am sorry that your mother's rebound was just a short rally.
However, as mentioned in numerous postings here. There are times when people recover and go on to live many years.
So please do not be too hard on the staff. If they are experienced staff, they have likely seen both short and long rebounds.
They really could not guide you because there is no valid guidance.
Sometimes more than once.
Loved one rallied many times over his last 6 years, even though his daughter was saying he is dying, bemoaning her inheritance whenever any money was spent on his needs.
The facility (nurses and hospice nurses) were dedicated to encouraging family, and would dress the residents up, send pictures. Often, it was not an accurate portrayal of his true condition, and he passed within 3 months.
Hope your Mom is actually doing better.
I'm sorry you are going through all of this. The emotional ups & downs are exhausting. Not knowing WHAT the heck to think or expect is horrible, too. Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace in the midst of the chaos.
He was the same as your mom, not eating, sleeping the days and nights away.
I called his children to come see him. I told him they were on their way.
I think he waited for them to arrive before he died. He was so happy to see his children and grandchildren.
He had a burst of energy, told stories, was sitting up and chatting away, just like his old self.
A short while afterwards he went into a coma and died.