My mom has been stealing money from her, I have a police report number and everything is documented. Unfortunately, my Gigi is in denial and continues to give my mom her debit card (she’ll authorize my mom to withdraw $30, but in reality she takes out $200+). I told my grandma she’s not allowed to give her the card anymore but she goes behind my back and does it anyways. She then gets angry with me when I confront her about this, says if her daughter needs help she’s going to help her. I think the only way to stop this is if I stop all the visits, or allow supervised (if that’s a thing). I would much rather my grandma be mad at me and be able to pay rent at her nursing home, then get kicked out or something.
What does your mother have to say for herself about it?
Why dies your grandma need a debit card if she is in a nursing home? If you took it from her, would she be able to manage to call the bank and order a new one for herself?
Have you discussed this situation with the social worker at the NH?
You should read your PoA paperwork to see when your authority is activated. It may require 1 or 2 medical diagnosis of impairment, or none at all. If the prerequisites are met then you can physically remove her debit/credit cards and checkbook and just give her a cash allowance every week. If she gives that money to your mom, then she doesn't get any more allowance till the next week. Make sure the allowance is very small. If your grandma keeps any valuables in her room, those should also be removed or put it a locking safe.
I will assume here you have tried to explain to grandma that by giving Mom money she may not be able to pay her rent. Why does she have a debt card in a place like that anyway? Does she pay her own bills? I personally don't have a debit card. Maybe, she would be better with a prepaid card. You put so much on it for her personal needs, when its gone for the month, its gone.
If you take care of her finances, if she doesn't need the card, I would try to have it cancelled. Explaining that she is financially being taken advantage of. I would not doubt that Mom has the number so it makes her able to charge on-line.
Do you just have POA for Grandma's Health or do you also have POA regarding Grandma's finances?
Acruelly, if Grandma has her wits about her, she can do as she likes with her money.
you may not like it but It's really none of your business.
EIither way, Nursing Homes are an Awful Place to live in and it's a very lonely place, especially if you don't get a visitor every day to have something to look forward
You should not keep your mom from visiting Grandma.
Maybe try using Checks and not a debit card, that way your mom can't change the amount on a check.
When Grandma runs out of money then Medicaid will pay.
Fact is, she's there because, like most, they don't have the luxury of just getting their child to put in some cams while their parent pays six figures for care. Fact is that Medicaid will be on this like a hawk and the granddaughter is discharging her POA in making sure that no money of grams goes to ANYTHING but HER care to not trip Medicaid. You would no doubt endorse this granddaughter taking home her Gigi when YOU didn't even do it. Did you.
Oh, and prayers.
When I was the POA, I signed legally for him. Basically, I spoke in his stead. You have every right to do so. We sent a letter to our stepmother, and basically ordered her to stay away.
Here's the deal for you. You have already made a police report. Your grandmother is considered incompetent to make decisions, therefore you can do so. If your mother has a problem with supervised visits, let her take it to court. You would win, so she would be advised to not pursue it.
If mom needs money, then by all means, talk to your grandmother and the two of you decide together. That way, g-ma can't say you are keeping her from doing what she wants. Otherwise, don't bring this up with your grandmother as it only agitates her. What a sticky situation! If your mother really loves her mother, she would comply and not cause drama with your grandmother.
We've been there and it's no fun at all.
The other issue is - does your mom have a drug or alcohol problem? Why does she ask for $30 but take $200? Even though you filed a police report, I bet nothing comes of it because grandma has continued to give her the card and allows withdrawals. UNLESS grandma has dementia issues - then all the more reason to take the card from her.
If she's in a facility, why does she even need a debit card? Take the card away. If your name is on the account, pay for the things that she needs. You can pay the NH for her from the account using the debit card.
Obviously she loves her daughter, so I wouldn't suggest barring her from visiting. If g'ma no longer has the debit card, the visits may dwindle without going that far. And you won't have hurt g'ma in the process
See how much Mom visits then. I would imagine not much. Hopefully mom will require no help either, because I wouldn't help anyone who actually steals like this. Hopefully she knows YOU won't be her POA.
If that is correct…. although you don’t agree with or approve of your grandma’s decision to give your mother money, it is still her money and her choice.
As long as she has capacity, you should not tell her what to do.