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I am caring for my mother Corinne, who is 91 years old, living at home with anxiety, arthritis, broken hip, cancer, depression, hearing loss, heart disease, lung disease, mobility problems, and osteoporosis.
About Me EMT eldest of four daughters 3 living-estranged from sister who lives close and has first name on health care proxy form that we are all on. I am struggling to find a way to have her bullying behavior not supported by hospital which has allowed her over control of me to cut visiting hours. She is attempting to profile me as disruptive when she is the one engaging in these behaviors which she blames on me- with outbursts in front of staff and mother. I have proof on video but hospital wants to streamline and is allowing her bullying of them also.
Your mother has enough issues as it is without adding you and sister "having outbursts" to the list! Respect the limited visiting hours and your mother's ill health by acting like adults, that's my advice.
It would be highly unusual for hospital staff to be "convinced" by a sister that her sibling is disruptive without having witnessed it.
Quite honestly, without a whole lot of history. information. and personal knowledge of the personalities/situation involved, and with those of us on the Forum getting always "one side" of the "siblings at war" stories, It's difficult to make judgements. This is something without an answer from an international forum of caregivers. We can only provide you our sympathy, and wish you the best.
IMHO the greatest tragedy a weakened and failing senior can be witness to is the warfare of her own children, one against the other.
Unless your mother has a restraining order on you, your sister does not have the authority to limit your visitation. Neither POA nor HCP gives someone the authority to limit visitation in the hospital. I would call the nursing manager of the unit where your mother is a patient and demand that s/he ask your mother if she wants you to be able to visit her. If your mother says no, then stay away. But if your mother says yes, go visit and do not engage *at all* with your sister. Let your sister throw as many fits as she wants and let her make a fool of herself in front of the staff while you remain calm, cool, and collected and enjoy visiting your mother. Most hospitals do remove visitors who make trouble! Some even ban them altogether.
Your Mom has rights. She has a right to see who she wants when she wants within visiting hours. She also has the right to tell Sis if she doesn't settle down, she will have her banned. Which is what Mom needs to do.
Did the hospital give you certain hours and sister certain hours so you weren't there at the same time? If not, I would bring this to the Social Workers attn. When Sis became out of control, did you scream at her? If you did, maybe the hospital felt you were the problem since Sister's outburst was because of you. Not saying you instigated it just that you being there set her off.
The only way you can deal with a problem like this is not be there when Sis is. The Hospital remedied it by giving you certain hours.
I am with NY daughter. Don't engage with sister. Let the staff see who is the problem.
My input would be to arrange a meeting of nursing, social worker, primary physician and both of you sisters to rectify this . This would eliminate presumptions and such. Be aware that your mom’s input , especially if led by emotions, could change daily… Come to a team plan and then follow it, reevaluate in a couple months as a team.
Please read answers and profiles below, Fiberspop. This early November issue was already apparently mediated, as our OP states that the Hospital has "allowed the bullying". I translate that to mean that the Hospital has sided with the sister/POA that any visit by the OP would be disruptive to the patient. She has already apparently availed herself of Social Services if she has already been denied access, I do believe. It is a pet peeve of mine when children bicker and are disruptive as 2 year olds in the face of the illness of an older parent. I think they should be prevented from contact unless the patient (mom or dad) asks to see them. In that case I think a visit with social worker present might work. As JoAnn says, this is likely a fluid situation, if ongoing. A change in attitude by our OP may get her past the Lioness at the Gate.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
About Me
EMT eldest of four daughters 3 living-estranged from sister who lives close and has first name on health care proxy form that we are all on. I am struggling to find a way to have her bullying behavior not supported by hospital which has allowed her over control of me to cut visiting hours. She is attempting to profile me as disruptive when she is the one engaging in these behaviors which she blames on me- with outbursts in front of staff and mother. I have proof on video but hospital wants to streamline and is allowing her bullying of them also.
Your mother has enough issues as it is without adding you and sister "having outbursts" to the list! Respect the limited visiting hours and your mother's ill health by acting like adults, that's my advice.
Quite honestly, without a whole lot of history. information. and personal knowledge of the personalities/situation involved, and with those of us on the Forum getting always "one side" of the "siblings at war" stories, It's difficult to make judgements.
This is something without an answer from an international forum of caregivers. We can only provide you our sympathy, and wish you the best.
IMHO the greatest tragedy a weakened and failing senior can be witness to is the warfare of her own children, one against the other.
Your Mom has rights. She has a right to see who she wants when she wants within visiting hours. She also has the right to tell Sis if she doesn't settle down, she will have her banned. Which is what Mom needs to do.
Did the hospital give you certain hours and sister certain hours so you weren't there at the same time? If not, I would bring this to the Social Workers attn. When Sis became out of control, did you scream at her? If you did, maybe the hospital felt you were the problem since Sister's outburst was because of you. Not saying you instigated it just that you being there set her off.
The only way you can deal with a problem like this is not be there when Sis is. The Hospital remedied it by giving you certain hours.
I am with NY daughter. Don't engage with sister. Let the staff see who is the problem.
She has already apparently availed herself of Social Services if she has already been denied access, I do believe.
It is a pet peeve of mine when children bicker and are disruptive as 2 year olds in the face of the illness of an older parent. I think they should be prevented from contact unless the patient (mom or dad) asks to see them. In that case I think a visit with social worker present might work.
As JoAnn says, this is likely a fluid situation, if ongoing.
A change in attitude by our OP may get her past the Lioness at the Gate.