coolieslady13 Asked November 2014
Got extremely depressed again. Mom passed back in April. Any advice?
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Getting married Dec 13 and miss Mom.Went to the clinic today due to stress, depression, etc. Been having horrible dreams about Mom. Denying her requests in my dreams. Well, doc says I seem to be beating myself up subconsciously. I seem to be questioning the care I gave her which is crazy because our hospice nurse said my sister and I were doing anything and everything possible for Mom. Diagnosed with post traumatic stress disease associated with Mom's care and her passing. Any one out there have or had this problem?
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My mother had stage 4 cancer and a couple months before she passed on, I asked her one day if she would do something for me.
Of course she said yes.
I asked her if she would somehow, someway let me know that my brother (her son) was ok after she passed on. She looked at me strange and said, sure.
She passed on a Saturday morning with me holding her hand. I was blessed that I was able to help her in her time of need.
The next evening, I was moving some cookbooks from the kitchen to make room for the food people were bringing in. I moved them to her bedroom and laid them on her bed. When I did that, a picture of my brother that I had never seen, fell onto the bed beside the cookbooks.
She always kept pictures in an album and was very adamant about this. She never had pictures hanging around the house or refrigerator, only in the albums.
I looked at his picture and looked, then, said, "Thank you Mom."
Best of luck!
dad 1 month after my Mom passed, has been very supportive. We both have. As far as postponing the wedding.....ain't gonna happen! Getting married at noon at the best bar in town with the town judge (also Rocky's boss) in his "old western clothes" will be presiding. Reception also at the bar. All of our friends who live and work here will be in & out on their breaks all day! Red River is only 1 mile long with Main St., High st., and River Rd. I am putting my Dad's (1990) drivers licence in my bra, will be wearing Moms (2014) wedding ring, and a dragon figurine of my stepdads (Dec 2012) is our wedding cake topper. Rocky picked the date of the 13th partly because that was my late husbands favorite number. He died on March 13th 2001. I know in my heart that they will all be there with us and that I will be OK. (On the medical front Doc is changing my antidepressant) And to terryjack1 my heart goes out to you for the sudden loss of your Mom. My FMLOA ran out & I lost my job of 8 years (Walmart) but I do now how blessed I was to be with Mom the lasts months of her life and even with as hard as it was I will treasure that time for the rest of my life! Hoping every one will have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Also, the death of a parent is a severe stress. Consider counseling. If you have a history of depression, consider medication if all these other steps are not helpful.
Yes I had this problem. Lost my mom 16 years ago; I miss her every single day. Did I feel like I didn't do enough, absolutely!, but I did what I could. You sure have a lot going on. When a friend said to me that "losing your mom sucks!!" it actually was helpful. It does and validation of that can is more helpful than people telling you to get over it or worse is having people avoid mentioning your mom or not offering condolences. I love when someone shares a memory about my mom. You don't have to get over it in a week or a month or a year. Time does help but you will still miss your mom. You must be heartbroken that she won't be at your wedding. Its hard not to beat yourself up and question yourself. "Could I have done more to comfort her, to help her, etc.?" Sure you could have given her one more ice chip in her final hours or rubbed her feet or whatever but you have to know she will always love you and be with you and knows you did what you could. I had a very difficult time losing my mom despite the support of my loving family, brothers, sisters, meds for depression, etc. A grief support group was very helpful for me. Time helps. Grieving is a real roller coaster ride; you laugh one minute and cry the next. You hear a song and something in it triggers those tears; you see a color, a flower, somebody's hairstyle, etc., etc., etc. and it reminds you of mom. But this is all part of the grieving process. There are some great short books about grieving that helped me a great deal including "Don't Take My Grief Away From Me" and "The Gift of Significance" both by Doug Manning. I also read several books about life after death as it was very important for me to know my mom still existed. I hope your fiancé is loving, understanding, validating and supportive. Some people just don't get it. Remember despite all the planning you can postpone the wedding if you need more time to be psychologically ready. Or you could just have very very close family and friends. You may want to honor your mom by having the officiant or someone close or yourself say a few words about her such as knowing she's smiling down on you as you join your life with another. You may want to wear something of hers or have a special flower in your bouquet or even if you put something of hers in your purse like a picture to help you know she's with you. I hope this is helpful.
Sending my heartfelt caring to you,
R
You have a whole new chapter in your life, enjoy it.. Your mom would surely want you to be happy and to live your life to the fullest. You need to recognize that you deserve happiness and you need to take time for yourself. It's the small things in life that makes it worth living. You are lucky to have found someone to love, hang onto that and live a long full life. Seek professional counseling if you think that will help you with your grief. You are not alone in your grief, many of us have also experienced it. Each of us does the best we can with the tools we have at any given time. The tools we have help us to cope with life. Join a support group, it helps to talk with others that are going through the same things you are. I hope you have a beautiful wedding and I like to think your mom will be smiling down upon you on your special day.
Family and friends have reassured me I did everything that could have been done, but I'm sure it's just grief causing me doubt and upset. Time and talking about him with family and friends who loved him have been the best help for me. It's still very soon for you. Sounds like you did a beautiful job for your mother. Blessings to you.
Do things you enjoy, go for coffee with a friend, go for a walk, find a nonprofit that is a cause you believe in to volunteer time, start slowly so the new activites don't become overwhelming. Find a grief support group and keep coming here to talk about your life.
There is some general advice to help you determine the healthy changes that need to be made. I hope you're glad that you took the time to read this article.
When faced with depression surround yourself with activities and things that you enjoy doing. This will take your mind off what is troubling you and help you focus on the positive things in life.
Make sure you are getting enough Vitamin B in your diet if you suffer from depression. Having a deficiency of Vitamin B can cause depression symptoms to act up. Foods like leafy greens, beans, eggs, and chicken have Vitamin B. Also, there are supplements that you can take that contain this vitamin.
You kinda seem to know what's making you depressed...maybe do something to change that to make yourself feel better. Get on an exercise program and take the bull by the horns.
Try to avoid "glass half empty" types of people. If you suffer from depression than it is likely that you already have a pessimistic outlook on life and by hanging out with other people like this, you will only feed into your own negative thoughts. Focus on finding people with high spirits.
Depression is often cyclical. This means that your highs and lows will start to come in waves. If you pay close attention, you may even be able to forecast when the next strong down will come. This can help you greatly as you will be capable of prepare yourself for what is to come.
If you are feeling depressed, there is no better way to combat those thoughts than to dance. This will get your body moving and get the blood flowing through your body and to your brain. Although when depressed exercise is not appealing, get up and force yourself to dance. Play happy uplifting music and stretch those muscle and move. Your body, soul, and mind will be happier for it.
One of the best things depressed people can do is to learn gratitude. Being thankful for the positive things that you have in your life, in comparison to those that are less fortunate, will make you appreciate what you have, instead of dwelling on the things that you don't have.
Even in the midst of a depressive episode, you can manage your level of activity and your life. Best of luck and love to you in reaching your goals. Truly hope you are able to start enjoying your life again.