Advice for leaving a very kind client?
I have been the sole care provider for a woman who is 78 and has Alzheimer’s disease, she lives alone.
She has 2 daughters that in my opinion have asked way too much of me but that is not why I am writing.
I only work with her 16 hours a week and she needs 24 hour care.
I had to resign from this job to get both of the daughter’s attention that this mother of yours needs more help.
I have been there 3 years and of course have formed a special bond with this woman.
I gave them 2 months’ notice, my last day is 12/31/23.
They still do not have adequate care for their mother.
I know that in my heart, I have given this lovely woman joy and happiness for the last 3 years, but the girls demanded detailed reports from every visit, yet failed to do anything about her care needs.
I already have a previous client who is going to work with me and I have 2 others, so I am not so worried about me, my long winded question is I should know this but how do I really let go?
12 Answers
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I appreciate that you have formed a special bond, but you are a professional caregiver who has made the best decision for yourself and honestly for your client as well.
That you will remember her is normal.
That you will grieve the loss is normal.
I am an RN, and retired now for almost two decades, and there are STILL people I remember with love and warmth.
Not only, in life, do we lose CLIENTS, but we lose friends and family. We let go because we have no other choice.
And you, in fact, have no other choice.
How wonderful that you were able to give this woman what you did give her.
Now do know, the "wicked stepsisters" may come round and reach out. They may hire full time care and may in fact ask you if they can call on you as fill in for absences if you are available. And you could say "Yes, if I am available I will fill in, but it of course depends on my availability". Then you could again visit with your client.
But I would say that's unlikely, so on you go. I hope you find a client you are very fond of again. That's the job.
Thank you for reminding me about the day in the life of a Care Professional. I have been doing this for years, and I never stop learning.
You are very kind.
D
Seeing the need to step aside, to allow new arrangements to be made is a skill indeed. I hope it does indeed get this lady the round the clock care she needs.
Feeling the loss of this attachment is human. After an appropriate time, would you want to call on this lady but as a social visitor only? You would need to consider if this could work out - if helpful or not?
Very kind words you have given me to hold onto!
I just want to thank you for being so kind and caring to the elderly. I cared for my mom. She died at age 95. It is heartbreaking to watch someone we care deeply for suffer.
Your new clients are blessed to have you in their corner.
Wishing you all the best!
Thank you for your words. It means a lot to be acknowledged for doing alot of hard loving work and someone recognizes this.
i have cared for S. for 3 wonderful years, this decision was extremely hard for me to make.
I have been very fortunate to have clients where the LO have been very supportive.
i am going to a client whom I have also been with for 3 years as well. The husband and family are so grateful, show the utmost respect to me.
I just appreciate your acknowledgement of the hard work that I have put into the care of a very lovely woman.
Best,
D
" grief" you are experiencing in leaving and, the " grief" you are struggling with associated with the patient's family not responding to the pt needs. Health care providers, first responders , others in close care of others all are susceptible to the grief of letting go regardless of the reason ( death, change of jobs etc).
Now also, if you feel that this patient is vulnerable and not receiving the appropriate care needed, you can always make an anonymous call to APS, Adult Protective Services, to report your observations and, let APS take it from there.
Yet, being a professional requires us to have some professional distance.
This is a skill that is developed with mindfulness / intention.
You care from a distance - while recalling the 'good times' you shared with her.
It is a process of accepting and feeling that deep love within you and sending her healing love, light and calm. And, allowing yourself to 'let go' -
Letting go isn't forgetting. It is moving through and on.
Re-focus on something you enjoy / love, be it painting, gardening, or an/other client.
Letting go is keeping that person in your heart and memory.
Hold this woman in your heart.
Once a client is 'in there,' they never leave.
They become a part of you.
It is understanding that this is a real loss.
You are grieving this loss.
Do not under-estimate it.
In addition, I would report this situation to the APS (Adult Protective Services) as it might border on elder abuse. This, to me, is the responsible course to take.
After YEARS, I still talk to my clients who have departed. I thank you for xxx.
Perhaps write how you feel in a journal.
Gena / Touch Matters
I'm an RN, still working at the bedside and also a clinical instructor of nursing at a local college. After almost 40 years, there are still patients I remember with love and some with regret for their loss. I am a critical care nurse and it can be very difficult to remain neutral in some circumstances.
One thing I teach to my students is professional boundaries that must be maintained. With every patient, you give your best, do your best, and while showing caring concern, maintain patient-caregiver boundaries.
I can see that in a home situation it may be more difficult but part of caring also means being able to let the relationship end.
In your situation, this seems to be the best action you can do for your patient. And, also the best thing you can do for yourself. It is so important that the caregiver also cares for themselves!
I wish you wellness and happiness as you continue your work. I also hope this lady is able to get the assistance she needs to continue to live safely and happily in her home.
You can’t save the world by yourself.