It seems most all questions/answers here are from children of parents who have dementia of some sort. Is there a discussion board for spouses of the person with dementia? We are both in our 70's, been married 49 years and now I am taking care of my husband, every day there is a challenge in some way. I am very stressed from trying to keep him happy and healthy. It seems now I have to do everything around our home and it is wearing me out.
I would love to find a message board where others are in the same situation as I am so would more easily understand the problems I go through.
Thank you.
No one can really understand what it is to have a spouse with dementia, except another in the same situation. Other caregivers of persons with dementia come close, but it isn't exactly the same. What really helped me keep my sanity was attending a caregivers support group. Being face to face with others in a similar situation was extremely affirming. Now that my husband has died, I still go to the meetings, to lend support to those new to this situation.
Go ahead and post your questions, or your rants, or your insights. Others will respond. Some will be caring for spouses and some for other loved ones. All of us at least "get it" about the caregiving role, and some specifically know about the special heartache of having a life partner no longer able to be an equal partner.
It is really distressing to suddenly have to do everything in the running of the household and have the added responsibility of caring for someone who can't care for himself (and maybe won't admit he can't!) I am now a widow and I of course have to total running of the household on my shoulders. In some ways that is easier than when I had it all and also had to handle it in a way that would not offend or upset my husband or make him feel useless!
Please get help! It is OK to hire a neighbor kid to mow the lawn. It is OK to hire a handyman for fix-it jobs. It is OK to make a list and ask your daughter or her husband or you son to help with these things once a month. Some communities have organizations that help seniors with home maintenance. Look into these things. You CAN'T do it all alone. You take care of your dear life mate, and let others take over some of the other tasks.
Some libraries deliver books to shut-ins. Some drugs stores deliver. Many locations have grocery stores that deliver. Take advantage of every some time saver you can find. You deserve it!
Like JeanneGibbs said, there are people here who are caring for their spouses. Myself, I cared for my elderly father so I don't know of any websites that are specific to caring for spouses but I would imagine that they're out there.
Feel free to share your challenges and frustrations here. There are always people around to offer support.
This is a good site to go to for advice. Take what you need & leave the rest.
Know your not walking alone, even though at times it may seem that way. I am now 68 & the picture was taken over the holidays. My Guitar is my Lover. He loves it when I pick on him & he sings so sweet to me & has yet to be upset when I put him down. I have many things I do to keep the peace & my sanity & I am also an active R.N./counselor. Blessings are you....
Personally, I think I would be immensely angry to discover I was losing my mind, it was going to get worse, and there was no cure. OMG. It is hard to even imagine being in that place.
Dementia is hard to cope with as long as it lasts, but from my experience, some things do get better. My husband's anger didn't last beyond the first year, for example.It is hard to remember exactly, but I think it was closer to 5 or 6 months.
Do you have a specific kind of dementia in the diagnosis?
I'm not sure it helps a lot, but while your husband is short tempered with you, it isn't really you he is mad at. It is fate, destiny, karma -- whatever has dealt him this hideous hand to play.
SandyKay, you say you are fearful. Are you afraid your husband will be violent with you? Was he ever before he developed dementia? How old are the two of you? Do you have a career?
Please share more with us. We care!
His father had Alzheimer's and his mother died at least 5 years before him. She had promised she would never put him in a home. He was mean and angry to the end. Wouldn't give up driving and had one accident where her back was broken and wouldn't take her to the doctor. My husbands driving is beginning to scare me. He drives too fast, takes chances, tailgates all the while getting more angry.
When I try to talk about it he just says I want him to be like his father. Why would anyone want that?
We are both 74. He could be years away from being in a facility. I don't see myself as ever having any "freedom".
I am dancing through the 70th year on planet earth.
My husband, 64 years old, has solvent dementia.
I am a Registered Nurse, very active.
Got the background??
I choose to move out of the house a few years ago & into the guesthouse on our property.
I do not like labels.
Shall I just say, he is out to lunch 98% of the time & I become the "Enemy"~
I don't TAKE most of it PERSONALLY~sometimes I feel as if I am talking to a brick. Or being hit with with one...(not literally)
I just stopped talking to him. I started to use sign language~AMAZING HOW HE WAS ABLE to pick up on that one????????????????????? He responds with the appropriate sign language~Imagine that?
This is a good place to vent, ask for support or advice.
We are all in this together.
Different things work on different days, DIFFERENTLY!
Peacefully & different are 2 of my favorite words~they speak volumes.