How many people get "it's like you have kids" or "that shouldn't be a problem to do _____ around him". No, it's not like children. Children can be disciplined. They don't have 78 years of being a certain why & in their own mindset. You cannot untrain that (I.E. Women are "cooks", "house workers", etc)
Do not expect to have the same conversation that you had with him prior to Alzheimers & expect to have the same person there. This guy wants to practice shooting a gun in our back yard (we have space to do it, nothing fancy). Gpa is nonstop looking for his pistol (bc I always hide it and all...so he accuses me). Him not having his pistol causes issues every day. This guy says we'll it shouldn't be a problem...--yes you are right! It shouldn't. However he's brain is not activating like it use too. Not only that but every time we have company we have the worst time getting him to bed, add someone shooting a gun to the occasion....not sure how it will go.
People really don't get it.
Okay, I apologize. I didn't want to vent on fb. I don't want to vent to my husband. No reason for both of us to be irked.
:)
No we have taken all guns away (hidden in a super duper safe that gpa hasn't seen). Last time the guy came I took gpa grocery shopping & he wasn't around the practice shooting.
I always say "everyday is a learning experience because what worked yesterday probably won't work today". I am much more positive now than when I first started this journey. It will be 2 years in Feb since we moved here.
But the fresh-faced innocents, they'll spend hours and labour sorting out a "system" that the person with dementia can "easily" follow. Then the look on their face when the person gets the system bafflingly and spectacularly wronggggg!!! I do try not to laugh.
I always put the flannel on the towel rail next to my mother's wash basin. She can't miss it. That must be why one time she went to a great deal of trouble to retrieve the dishcloth from where I used to keep it, down in a corner out of the way, with the disinfectant, and washed her face with that instead. And another time she used a Tena pad. A clean one from the cupboard, I hasten to add, but all the same.
Ours not to reason why. And eventually, once the believers in discipline and routine and consistency and all that, once they get the message, they'll realise there is no comparison with looking after children.
I want to interrupt and say "Just Stuff It!"
These are the same helpful people who bossed us around when we had infants, toddlers, young children, teenagers, and now our elders. Busybody know-it-alls who only know what they imagine is true.
I always say that until someone has come to work a 14 hour shift three days in a row caregiving in your place, they don't get to have an opinion on anything. And this goes for family members as well.
What other area besides parenthood do we throw completely untrained, uninformed, and unequipped people in to do a professional job?
I missed the sign up to get the nursing training. I missed the class on safely assisting & transferring a person without injuring your back, neck, & shoulders. My Red Cross babysitter's course from 1983 did not prepare me for in-home elder care feeding, changing, bathing, & entertainment. I missed the elder nutrition & dietetics course. I missed the seminars on the difference between dementia, delirium, and the role of depression. I missed the handout on how dementia patients indicate they are in pain. I also didn't major in elder finance, elder law, estate planning, tax prep, or become an overnight expert on Medicare, Medicaid & the Social Services Maze.
Everything I know, I learned on this site. It gave me the ability to step back and realize I am not the right person for that job, my home will never be the right facility, and trying to replace a professional setup for our situation would be a huge mistake.
I also learned that this journey is full of decisions with options nobody wants to pick. There are so seldom times when everything comes together "as advertised".