My mom has had 24/7 caregivers from an agency for the past 7 weeks to help her adjust to being back home from a TCU where she was for 10 weeks. She is working towards independence and needs some redirection and stand by assistance. She is suffering PTSD and severe anxiety from the TCU experience. She never had to deal with anxiety before and really had a hard time even identifying that it is happening.
She has completed all OT, PT services and has come a long way. She likes routine and is thrown back into OCD behaviors from the anxiety she experiences with new caregivers or caregivers not communicating with her but their phones and also overstepping boundaries, like coloring each others hair while supposedly taking care of her. One also takes the liberty to take showers and wash her own clothes in my mom's washing machine.
I am hesitant about reporting these infractions as the caregivers are ok, mom is familiar with them and I am afraid I could get them fired (doubtful) or reprimanded, and that they will then take it out on my mom or that the replacements will be worse than what we have now.
My mom is very bright and sharp and knows what they are doing and really feels disrespected. She is however not one to rock the boat. She also wants me to have a life and not be the one to stay with her. I have stepped in twice and she is fairly easy to care for if not stressed out.
I am over at her apartment daily and call her several times a day. I am so stressed out that I feel I am in danger of becoming sick. I just want my mom to succeed and be happy.
I don't think I am being unreasonable when I try to get the "good" caregivers on the schedule on a consistent basis. I am communicating with the scheduler/customer service person and evidently there is no one else to report anything to. I am told everyone else only deals with operations and not the day to day care giving or customer satisfaction. Quite a business model.
I am thinking about cutting services back to 2 shorter four hour shifts, which was suggested by our PT person, hoping for more consistency and if my mom is comfortable with the reduction of hours.
It is like I am paying to torture myself. I have also thought about finding some independent caregivers instead of going through an agency. This is a slow process and I think my mom can get back to total independence so this may have to go on for several more months. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
when they moved in with me, I was able to be a little more involved. However, I found myself letting things go because I realized that familiarity and consistency is vital. Good caregivers that care are hard to come by. As others have said, you sorta have to pick your battles. I will say though, they won’t get fired. Many caregivers are paid minimum wage and the highs cost we pay is generally used towards liability insurance.
There is no right or wrong answer, but if I learned anything it’s communication is always key.
We all need to sit w this and let it sink in “ most caregivers are paid minimum wage”
I would be hesitant about hiring independent caregivers because you don't know who is coming into the house and may rob the place, or claim to slip and fall and try to sue the estate. At least with an agency they are presumably screened and is insured, so they cannot sue your estate and file for workman's compensation. Hiring independent caregivers can also lead to horrible paperwork--after a certain amount you become their employer and must file their taxes...
"If you pay cash wages of $2,300 or more for 2021 (this threshold can change from year to year) to any one household employee, you generally must withhold 6.2% of social security and 1.45% of Medicare taxes (for a total of 7.65%) from all cash wages you pay to that employee, unless you prefer to pay your employee's share of social security and Medicare taxes from your own funds."
https://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc756
IF you go that route you can go to a tax specialist and set up a "corporation" tax which will give you more tax breaks. Do NOT try this on your own it is too complicated. See a tax lawyer.
What you report and if you report is dependent on what you are willing to put up with. Are caregivers abusive? Of course, you should report this. My concern with CG washing her own clothes over there without your permission --- the more she gets away with stuff the more she is liable to do. Of course, you can talk to her if you wish to....or not. But... you say that you have 24/7 CG there. When a CG lives with the client, which means, they are there for the minimum of 24 hours straight, (they spend the night there and of course, sleep) they are allowed to wash their clothes and take showers there. When it is NOT 24 hour shifts, then they are NOT to do those things. FYI... it is cheaper for you mom/you to have live-in Caregivers. The agencies charge per 24 hour rather than by the hour. If you wish to get rid of the agency, you can, of course and you can then decide what all the CGs do, what their shifts will be and you can come to an agreement on what their pay will be. Going through some other service such as this may be cheaper? I don't know. Normally is. I have only been on the CG side of this. Agencies usually charge around $25/hour for CGs. For a live-in, per 24 hour shift, it used to be $250 per day. Don't really know what it is now. You can check! For 24 hour live-in it goes like this at my present agency--16 hours on with 8 hours for sleep. If we are awakened during the night for any reason, we document it and we get paid for that time we are up. And PLEASE.... if you do try going through ...or whatever, do NOT pay them "under the table". This is NOT good for you, either. You might try word of mouth... any one at church know of some CGs? Some of the best CG's I know only get hired by word of mouth.
I've also experienced the caregiver and workers covering for each other (when I stopped being the main worker for my parents). Other workers were not showing up, leaving soiled clothes for me to come in and find, mom hair uncombed, mom kept coming up bruises (face, legs, eye, and top of head discovered one day when I was doing her hair). All of those things she did to herself they said.
Yet my sibling sister/caregiver covered whenever I called or sent a certified letter complaining of issues to the agency.
How are they taking care of your mom when they are showering? What if your mom falls? They would need a few minutes to dry off and get changed. Meanwhile mom is on the floor. Unacceptable! Your not running a hotel or hostel.
How are they taking care of your mom when they are folding their laundry? They aren't.
I would skip the agency. Are these college aged kids? It is your home. You are going to have to tell them that the laundry, shower taking, shampooing, coloring hair, hanging out on the phone will stop. Do it on their own time. They must not have enuff to do. That is not what you are paying them for. Your/moms house is not a college dorm.
It would be one thing if they asked and there was a reason for it. Or it was a 1 off. Or they are a beloved caregiver, and you agreed.
If this isn't nipped in the bud, it will lead to more things happening. What happens if they decide to chat with their friend's on the phone for an hour? Bring a boyfriend over and have movie night. Etc. Nip it in the bud or they will take a mile. Actually they already are.
Tell them since you have so much free time on your hands to do your laundry, I need the floor mopped, dusting, strip mom's bedding, clean bathroom. Empty trash etc. Now they will cook a few meals.
Since the agency won't discipline, you will have to set the tone.
Where else can they get paid to work and do hair and laundry? Nowhere.
Since it is your/mom's home you set the rules/tone. You don't have to be mean about it. Just matter of fact.
Say; its come to my attention you 2 girls are doing each other's hair. I'm not paying you for that. The showers and laundry will stop as well. I pay for water and electricity.
Who would like to pay the extra? I can show you the bill. O_o
Then say I want my mom's bed stripped and washed, bathroom towels, mat washed weekly. Kitchen towels washed and mom's clothes. Floor mopped. Have a weekly check list.
I might let the caregiver do 1 load of laundry if she got the other things washed weekly as a perk, and she had no laundry facilities, but the other things no. She would have to be exceptional. This is a job she is being paid for.
I would never think to do that. I think it is disrespectful. If she worked at a hotel she doesn't get a free room to sleep in the bed, and shower in the rooms. It is a job.
It doesn't mean you can't be nice, just matter of fact. Tell them you have cameras set up. They don't know that you dont. That will straighten them up.
You are their boss, not the other way round. If they are going to do anything like that ask first. This is a house not a hostel.
If you don't get a backbone, they will cont to do what they want. Good luck.
All those are unacceptable.They are at work not at home.All agencies have a person who oversees the CNA, so if your conversation falls on deaf ears then you need to speak with a supervisor.
Good luck to you and your mom.
First, thank you for what you do. Good caregivers are hard to come by.
That being said - in no way, shape or form is it "the child's responsibility" to care for their parent. I'm saying this as a live-in caregiver of my own elderly parents. (Mom 83 - broken hip in April, lymphoma, diabetes, CHF. Dad 85 - dementia, legally blind, catheter, needs O2, incontinence, bone cancer on Hospice.)
It's not MY fault that they didn't/couldn't afford to pay someone to do it, nor is it MY responsibility to do this. It is my CHOICE. I do this because I love my parents and want them to be well cared for; I want them to feel comfortable in their home as long as they're safe here. I'm not looking for praise. This is a lot for ANYONE to handle. Plus there's an emotional component for the children that actually give a crap about their folks.
To the lack of pay - I totally agree with you 100% that no caregiver (I don't get paid to do this) gets paid nearly enough for the amount of work they do. As I said, I've worked as a Homemaker and HHA for an agency in the past so I completely understand! You don't get paid nearly enough. My daughter works in a group home that has a union who fights for pay increases, and right now they're going through a heated battle with the ones running the home. Unfortunately, in her situation, it's the ones doing the job and the clients that suffer if the caregivers leave. It's sad.
The post says 24/7 care but not sure how long those shifts are, but in a later post says there are 4 gals. So 6hr shifts? Not long enough to justify using the client's shower or laundry and especially NOT doing hair. It's disrespectful to the client, and to the daughter paying them to do a job. She is in essence their employer and if she isn't happy should be the one to tell them to knock if off or leave.
I have the utmost respect for any other caregiver that has come in to assist my father or my mother because it helped me get some rest as their full time caregiver. However, I had one HHA that did a couple things I was not comfortable with and I let the agency handle it. I told them she was fantastic, did a wonderful job while she was here, but over the course of 3 visits noticed something that bothered me, and asked for their advice what to do. She was coached and didn't repeat the behavior.
Just my perspective on things.
This is stressful and demanding, hard work. They're my parents, I want what's best for them because that's what they deserve not what I "should" be doing as their child. Out of 5 children, this all falls on me.
Sorry for the long winded post. As far as what to do with your Mom, contact a private pay or ask around locally for recommended good agencies. There are great staff with the Home Care team associated with our local hospital. They seem to have higher standards than the run-by-night places (minus the one I worked for, they were wonderful).
Good luck, be diplomatic, but firm with the gruff one if you do confront her. I'd let it be known that you have hidden cameras or something and you've seen things that are not part of their paid duties. I actually did put very visible cams in my parents' rooms to keep eye on them while doing chores or working from home, also to peep on the staff to make sure they were up to snuff. I'm tough, if you don't give my level of care, I'm not happy. Thankfully, aside from that mild incident, everyone has been amazing and I always thank them for being there to help my folks.
What they are doing (Showering? Laundry?? ) is outrageous. BEYOND outrageous. ANd unprofessional. In many if not most states these aides or certified often, and then our kept track of via in our case, the state nursing board.. People just aren't raised the same and too often lack good old integrity or common sense.
And so don't want to frighten you...but if you haven't read my posts before, I'm the posterchild of what can happen if you care and stress too much. About a year ago the crisis happened, and needless to say, no one was really able to look after mom or dad when it happened though we are blessed with good neighbors and a few friends...One Sunday, about to run errands I just didn't suddenly feel good. Felt like I just needed to lie down for a bit. I had knealt down on the floor to give my pup who was on our bed a kiss, and suddenly had no strength to pull myself up. I fear medical types and systems...but I felt so awful I beckoned a friend to come help so my pup could get out, and then we called 911. They carried me out and in the squad on the way to the hospital I just couldn't stop complaining about how my back was killing me...I don't remember a lot of the details, but there was a blast of wind and the warmth of the sun...as I was being wheeled out and onto the life flight helicopter to the main campus of the Cleveland CLinic for emergency surgery due to a dissected aorta. A contributing factor is high blood pressure. As much as we love our families, we cannot let ourselves die for them. ANd besides, what good are we dead? Don't kid yourself...it really can happen....Get a BP cuff and keep watch...take good care. These truly are some of the worst caregivers ever. It's terrible for all of us...but consider as well the next older person without a nearby daughter who will be exploited if you don't report it...wishing you peace and luck...and good health...as Judge Caprio says ....Your health is your wealth....
It surprises me when people talk about in home caregivers the things they feel they are entitled to do. I know they don't get paid great money but that doesn't mean you steal from your client. And it is stealing when you wash your clothes at a clients home. When you sit on your phone and your attention is not directed at the patient. What happened with asking permission.
Showering in my home! Don't think so. Just thinking about it I cringe.
Hugs 🤗
If you want quality, top-shelf caregivers like myself, with a good work ethic who treats this kind of work as a profession, hire and pay privately. I wouldn't even get out of bed for what a homecare agency offers for employment. You will always get better people. I worked as agency help for a long time and I can tell you that for every one home caregiver like me at an agency, there are probably a thousand who you wouldn't even want in your house. Then I went on my own. Private cases only. My pay increased by more than double. All I did was charge what a care agency charges. Only I'm the one making the money.
Care agencies couldn't care less about whether or not a client is getting quality service. They only concern themselves with putting a worker in a house and collecting the money. You will get nowhere with complaining.
I strongly recommend you use a caregiver website and interview potential hires for your mom. Or keep the agency ones if they're decent and get on well enough with your mother. You can't expect more than that from agency help. When hiring privately, you check out their references yourself and negotiate the pay with the caregivers directly. No middle- man involved and taking a cut for doing nothing. You can hire as many as you need to do round-the-clock for your mom and they will be the same people every time. Not a different face every other day.
Truly this is the only way to go if you want quality care and peace of mind. Good luck.
Many times in a 24-hour care situation there is often one caregiver who is sort of like the chief one. If she's gruff and the others listen to her, then she's the one you should speak to.
Maybe offer her a few bucks on the side, privately without the agency or the others getting in on it, and she'll very likely run a very tight ship for you over at your mom's house.
I never had a problem taking extra private pay when client's families offered it, and it was often.
Something like, “Ladies I so appreciate all you do. You are my eyes and look after her when I can’t, and I just wanted you to know that she trusts you, and you all get along really well together. But she’s old, and very proper. I am sorry to say that it does bother her and me when certain liberties are happening, like your own laundry or using our bathroom to shower yourself. I understand how busy you must be, but we just don’t want your own personal business to be done at the house when you’re looking after Mom. I’m sure you understand…”
Trust me. You get more with honey.
That being said, I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable that they do this if they are live-in care, as in, they are there looking after your mom for 12 hours straight. It’s hard to live a life if you’re tied to someone else’s house if you’re there straight 12 hours. That being said, it would have been much more polite if they had just ASKED first.
Still, if you overall like them, I’d try to rectify the situation first while make as few waves as possible.
The ‘taking liberties’ is one of them. If two were there at the same time as the hair coloring exercise, did your mother watch and enjoy it? Did she object, or did she say go ahead? Did she object to the use of her washing machine? Or did she agree because the carer was time poor and found the length of her home cycle difficult (or perhaps sitting waiting in a laundromat)?
It’s possible that this is upsetting you, and your mother is then agreeing with YOU, after first agreeing with THEM. This is a very stressful time for you (not easy for your mother either), and the best advice may be ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’.
I hope that other posters will give other reactions, this is just something to consider.