My sister has historically shouldered the brunt of my mom's care because she lives so close to her. Recently my sister's health has declined and I am now assuming more responsibility for my mom's care, 3-4 days per week 24/7 including meals and the scheduling of doctor's appointments. My brother does absolutely nothing for her, and doesn't offer or inquire as to what needs to be done. He calls on Mother's Day and holidays and visits once or twice a year. He only lives about two hours away. He used to live much closer, still did nothing and moved without the slightest care as to how she would be cared for and by whom. Is it fair for him to receive an equal inheritance? I ask because my mom insists that we should all inherit equally, but does not insist or even ask that he contribute anything to her care or needs which are extensive due to her age and hearing impairment which requires that she be accompanied even when she is visited by home health care practitioners. I feel resentful of this but don't know how to express this without sounding like a greedy little b******.
( my sister has helped the past 2) . I did probably 75% of all “ care” by children for my stepfather ( compared to his own 2 lazy kids) but inherited nothing. I did it because I loved him and wanted to help him. With my mother , I do what I need to do to be at peace with myself.
would be inheriting equally from my
mother. I “suggested” to her that maybe the boys should be participating in the caregiving (they couldn’t; they live 2K miles away) whereupon she decided that maybe she should see to it that I get a bit extra. Don’t put up with it, girls; the days of unpaid “women’s work” are OVER!
My mother thankfully made my sister and I equal on everything, but didn’t consider probate so some of that had to be changed.
Mall done with moms permission.
Took control of her life and kept her under my care to make sure she is cared for. I call my mother in law as mom.
This is so true. Some people simply can’t handle dealing with others who are sick. Some people are truly selfish though. Hard to know but no one can be forced into anything.
I know it may sound insensitive, but if you continue holding this in, you will harm yourself.
Obviously you can't get much done on Sundays as there are no offices open. So she was useless. Since we were inheriting about the same amount-dad and I worked out a deal that he would pay for groceries and utility bill. I paid mortgage
and all other bills as usual. This did ease my burden financially since his care was 24/7.
Now that he is gone, I know that I did the right thing. We shared so many great talks and every night he would tell me how much he loved me. That is my true reward and maybe I will be rewarded in heaven when we reunite.
God bless.
My lawyer and moms lawyer did the work of putting together a contract so I will get reimbursed (sp?) for the money I spend to care for her. (also a small amount daily paid to me for the work I personally do to care for mom daily 24/7) Who knows if Mom will outlive the money. I am not sure what I will do since a second person in my large house helps with the bills, as my mom does now. I am concerned about money all the time.
I thank God daily that the boys worked with the lawyers and agreed to the plan. It takes some of the pain away that I experienced 5 or 6 years ago when the family was destroyed and now NO CONTACT. One of my brothers still owes me over $8,000. He wanted Mom's money to pay me, but I said "no way" to that since mom needs her money for the rest of her life. (maybe that was the wrong decision on my part... Would of, could of, should of..........we all need to give ourselves a break and do the best we can each day.
Geeeeez, he wanted your mom’s money to pay you. So basically he wanted to rob Peter to pay Paul. Wow! Just wow! That is crazy! Looks like you got the brains in your family!
If your Mom has a Valid Will that is how it must be done, period.
If she doesn’t have Will, she dies Intestate and the laws of that State are very clear as to the distribution of assets. Fairness has no part of the law itself.
Let it go. The Living are in your future. As a Professional for over 45 years I saw painful Family separations over Wills. It’s just not worth the stress. You give what you can because you want to....if you can’t give this much time then make other arrangements.
Nope! Its because the inheritance is just given by parents that's it.
I was in the same situation as you Salutem. I provided for my dad (time, service and financially) even though that left me in debt. No help from siblings. But I would do it again. I cared for my dad because I wanted to and because I love him dearly. I would rather be left with so much debt than with regrets and guilt. That is the least I can do for him for all he did for me and my siblings. The inheritance is given to the children because we are our parents' children not because we served or cared for them. To serve or care for them is our choice. Our/your reward is much more precious that any inheritance. You have a blessed heart, peace of mind, a clear and guilt free conscience, and you're able to express your love to your mom that your brother was not able to.
WeTrulyCare
You are blessed with a good brother though. My brothers don’t care if I beg for help. They are pretty much doing their own thing. They rarely visit mom. She would love to see them. Got tired of asking them to visit. They live near me. They could visit, just don’t. If they need money they come to get cash or a check. They have never had a problem visiting then. Sad.
2 - it is a fact that it is your mom's wish to divide her money how she wishes & that's that - but she should be contributing to any expense you or sis incur helping her such as gas money, parking etc - also if you end up taking her out for lunch because of an appointment she should pay for you both - if you haven't told her now is the time & explain that she should have been giving it to sis too