Mom threatening me with legal action, from Laura.

Some states have laws against adultery still. Needless to say, no one’s been locked up.

Your mother is a big fat blowhard and saying what she is precisely to upset you to the point where you WILL either take her in or pay her the money she's looking for. Aka extortion.

Wait 2 weeks and speak to your lawyer who's out of town, for peace of mind, and then cut "mother" out of your life. Real mother's do not threaten their children with extortion, sorry.

I have never heard of this before quite Honestly - I Know I wouldn't want to take care of a abusive Person who threatened me with Jail Time to make a boundary and Limit contact with her . When someone threatens me I cut them off .

It's good to contact a lawyer just to double check but just because your mother wants to live at home and can only afford to pay for 50% of the cost of care givers does not mean that you have to be forced to provide the other 50% of her care giver needs at the expense of your own household and funding your own retirement future.

Filial responsibility laws only apply to parents that are impoverished and even then the only state to ever try and get money from a child to care for a parent was in PA and that case was dropped when said parent applied for and was approved for medicaid. Your mother owns a home and has money to pay her bills so she is not impoverished in anyway.

If I were you I would stop taking her calls all together. Simply block her number and stop dealing with her. If she has money to invest in a lawyer to try and sue you to fund her desire to stay in her home then she certainly has enough money to pay for her day to day living expenses.

And OMG I can't believe she is so desperate to cling to her miserable life that she wants a defibrillator implanted so she can live forever. Talk about a living nightmare for you.

Your mother sounds like a truly mean and nasty woman. I am very sorry you have to deal with the stress of her threats even though nothing will come of it.

You should literally have no contact with this woman again.

Ignore her calls and any attempts at communication.

First Filial laws are on the books still in some States and rarely used. The ability of the child to pay is taken in consideration. I know I and my DH could not afford $1000 a month to help a parent. These laws were put in effect before SS, Medicare and Medicaid. And as said, they were put in place to help care for parents of poverty.

Your Mom has options. She owns a house, she can sell it and enter a nice AL using the proceeds. Get an small apt and use the proceeds to pay an aide. Your husband trumps Mom. His care comes first as does ur daughter. Mom has options she can take advantage of. Just stick by your guns. Tell her and anyone who calls regarding Mom. "My plate is full caring for my DH. Mom has options but won't take advantage of them. For reasons I will not get into now, no, she cannot live with us. As I said, I am caring for my husband."

I would not keep saying "no you can't live with me". I may say it one more time saying "This is the last time I will say it (saying slowly and firmly) YOU CANNOT LIVE WITH ME!. If you ask again, I will block ur phone and stop talking to you altogether." And do it.

depends what you want out of any relationship, but as others are suggesting, this could be strangely in your favor. Its giving you a good reason to not talk to her at all now.
If she files legal stuff, then get a lawyer to do all the responding in a legal way. Thats it
If you are happy with zero communication with her, well this is giving you every reason to do so. No need to feel any guilt

She's sick (mentally, emotionally). Block her, call her bluff and don't spend any money on attorneys unless someone serves you with papers (which they won't).

If she thinks care is expensive, has she ever had to pay an attorney? It's possible an attorney will see that she's a hot mess and send her away.

If you are her PoA, resign. If you want to make a statement, file for a restraining order against her.

You are buffered from her by 6 hours of distance. Live your life and stop giving her any attention. Any.

Block her phone calls and talk to that lawyer to get some peace of mind. If she can afford a lawyer she can afford to support herself.

All I can say is I hope she doesn’t get that defibrillator.

She has no right to threaten you. I’d block her calls.

Must've been lotsa fun growing up in your house.

Turn off your phone and stop all communication with her.

Can I please tell you that her asinine threats will come to all of absolutely nothing. You have no legal responsibility to her if you are not her POA, or conservator/guardian. She is as they say 'blowing smoke out of her a$$' because she knows nothing will come of it. Mom's state may have some kind of law requiring the adult children to "help" a parent. The "helping" could be making arrangement for her to be placed in a care facility. No state is going to force you to move this beast you call a mother into your home.

Personally, I have never heard of such nonsense where adult children with no legal authority can be forced to take care of a parent. I have never heard of a state with a law that says a parent has to take care of an adult child either that they are not a conservator/guardian.

I'l tell you one thing if my mother ever threatened to see me in jail if I continue being a "b***h" to her, she would be dead to me. There would not be a word from me by by phone, mail, carrier pigeon. smoke signal... In fact, there was no word from me for six years and I didn't even have her at my second wedding. She ruined the first one, so I figured why risk it. You don't have to take her crap.

You DO NOT have to take your mother to live with you. Any state that would try to force you to will be in for the legal fight of their life. Any lawyer would make a name for himself arguing for a client like you. So keep that in mind.

Don't let your mother rattle your cage with her threats. Tell her that she is never living in your home and you will see this law she threatens you with argued all the way to the Supreme Court if needs be to keep her out of your home.

By the way, her demanding $1,000 a month from you and your husband is called extortion and that is illegal in all 50 states. You should really let her know that and don't send her a damn cent. Not one red penny, my friend. Let her get on Medicaid and placed in a LTC facility.

No one is going to pay for her to have 8 hours a day of homecare. So unless she's wealthy, that's off the table. She can go into a facility.

BTW, it’s only drama if you entertain it as such.

You can always tell her you will counter sue for wrongful life. If my mother insisted I MUST give $1000/month of our money, it would be going to to the attorney and not to mother. I have actually said to her face, "I have to love you but I don't have to like you." So, with that, while I actually do love my mother, I don't respond well to threats or extortion and to me this is clearly both.

My mouth output would go something like this:
"Bite me. I gave up POA because you're being a [not nice female dog.] Sue me and I'll counter sue for wrongful life. See...anyone can sue for anything and say they are going to sue. If you want to have me charged for abandonment, go for it. As that is a criminal claim, have county legal contact my attorney. While you are at it, have your attorney contact me when you're dead. By the time I've requested a jury trial for such a frivolous item, I expect you'll be dead or attorneys very well paid. Otherwise, we're done. Any further contact should be made thru my attorney."

Then I'd cut off all contact. Even going so far as not giving her the name of my attorney of record.

FWIW, I was semi-estranged -- every 10 years +/- dad and step would show up unannounced at my door -- from dad for many decades before he died. I give him props for continuing to care but am still comfortable with my decision to not take his emotional baggage as my own. IMO, good (high) fences make good neighbors and good (strong) boundaries make "tolerable" relatives. Set and maintain good strong boundaries with mom.

Don't let the two week wait cause excessive worry; causes additional stress, which is very bad for health. Talk to the attorney and decide off that advice. Good luck.

How incredibly cruel of your mother. Please never believe you deserve or should tolerate this behavior at all. I’m sorry for the words she’s used and hope you can disconnect and find peace

You have enough going on in your life. Stop engaging in her drama.

It is all BS, just idle threats, she is a bully. You have no responsibility to give her any money or do anything for her.

Block her go no contact, I did that with my abusive mother 13 years ago, best years of my adult life.

If she cannot afford home care then she needs to go into a facility, it will cost her much less, she can sell off everything she owns to pay for her care.

She doesn't have a leg to stand on, no pun intended.

Keep your boundaries, take care of you and your family she is beyond help.

Wow. What nerve Mom has.
I'm impressed at your response.

Your mother is a bully and sounds like she has a severe personality disorder going on. It sounds like borderline personality disorder. Unfortunately, these personality disorders are on a spectrum. Sounds like she is almost on the extreme end of it.

I would contact my lawyer and have him send her a cease and desist letter. People cannot force you to take care of anybody, elder or not. You are dealing with your own health issues and your husband's health. Also, these people do not know your circumstances. You two come first before anything else.

Next, call APS and report her for self neglect if need be. However, I would tread lightly on this since she is liable to flip the script on you again. That is, if she is self neglectful. However, I wouldn't be any further involved with any of this nonsense. I would avoid any action that would keep me tied to this individual. It sounds to me she does all right hiring folks. She has no problem shooting off her big mouth making threats to you. Let her hire help until her money runs out. You've done your part. Next block her number and stop contacting her. It is time to cut the cord and stop allowing this pint sized, loud-mouth tryrant call and harrass you non stop with her foolishness. She does it because it works. I have no qualms hanging up the phone when people like this call me. I have been known to have a few loud choice words before hanging the phone up. I had threatened to sue one agency if they didn't leave me alone about my sister. I told them they were getting made up false accusations, and that I had to work. I told them to show up on weekends because I worked full time and couldn't take off work everytime some idiot decided to drop a turd. They were putting so much pressure on me while I was trying to work full time, raise my own daughter and go to college. I stayed and started the placement process. Sister was placed in a group home. I had no contact with my family for almost seven years after I left. I didn't see them again until seven years later. My oldest sister had been calling and making false reports to these people.

The way to help a senior with this type of mouth is don't start this mess in the first place. Get the necessary agencies involved and refuse to sign any POA's or other documents making you liable.

I had a client that I had for eight hours. This lady would self medicate and would not answer the door when I would arrived for my shift. I would be sitting in the car for almost an hour before someone from the office could contact her. I would call the office and no one would pick up the phone! So, I had to keep calling until someone answered. I was due at her home at ten o'clock and one time, I didn't get in her home until 11:00 am. One time a relative had to come and open the door for me. He was on his motocycle getting ready to get on the beltway. The agency tried to get me to stay on with her. I was done after she blocked me on the basement step with her walker and would not let me out. She said that she needed me for longer hours. I could not fathom staying with this person for twelve hours straight. I was subjected to all types of verbal abuse for the six weeks I was with her. I called the agency and told them that this woman was verbally abusive, blocked me on the basement step with her walker, prevented me from clocking out and leaving her home. The first thing they asked is did I complete my shift. Most of the other aides would run out of the house crying. They tried to get me to come back and I was like, hell no! I found out later from another staffing coordinator that many of their nurses quit after dealing with her. I followed suit. I figure if someone is that combative and they can't keep her staffed, it was not my problem. You should never! and I mean never! allow some old person to have that much control!

I wonder what the hell is wrong with these agencies that listen to these crazy old tyrants!

I pray that you can finally say, NO MORE!

Whatever is wrong with your mom, doesn't matter anymore. She has just threatened to ruin you if you don't bow to her and that says everything anyone should ever need to hear to be done with a person.

I am so sorry, it is gut wrenching to lose a parent this way.

I did some research a few years back on filial laws. What I understood was that the state would go after someone that was financially well off if their parent(s) were left unable to eat, afford housing or basic necessities, not a thing about propping up their wants. So, unless you have a few million dollars laying around this is not a problem, especially if she gets enough SS to cover her necessities, which a private aid 8 hours a day is not part of it.

I would be very tempted to tell her to please have me arrested, that way you won't have to ever worry about taking a call from her again.

Laura, have we pointed you to this website?

https://outofthefog.website/

As they say in cases like this CYA=Cover Your A$$. Find that friend that was caring for your mother, find out what happened. Are you able to document how your mother is behaving? Saved texts, emails, paperwork? If your lawyer is correct that the state your mother is living in can legally go after you, research it online. Find out what that looks like. Call the state bar association for a referral for another lawyer-specify your needs. Also, have proof of your overall economic health as proof of inablity to financially support your mother. You have to be well prepared to stand up for yourself. She keeps abusing you, then make it clear you know your rights and will have them enforced.

Laura
Tell this ridiculous old woman to "Make my day; go ahead. Sue."
And let THOSE be your last words to this abuser.

First understand that anyone can bring an action against anyone.
I can go to an attorney and pay him to sue someone out of the phone book in New York City any day I want.
Will I win.
NO.
Will any attorney take such a case? Of course not.
And no one will take your mom's ridiculousness either.
Are you not a smarter woman than this, because I always thought so.

Your mother is clearly WITH IT ENOUGH not to qualify under abandonment.
And you do not have to SERVE as her POA whether she is or is NOT.
HERE IS WHAT YOU DO (and if you are smart you do it today).

You simply get a note from your own MD that you currently are under too much familial stress to competently serve as her POA. You then walk to the attorney office (any) and have a resignation letter with attachment done. This gets a court action started to tell court you cannot serve. The court appoints another family member willing (if Mom cannot do this herself) or makes your mother a ward of the state. If mom is competent you only have to give her a letter of resignation. Do it today. Hand write it and hand it in, and trust me, no one is suing you for anything.

I will tell you one thing, you ever take this nasty woman into your home I sure am done with you, because that would quite honestly mean that you cannot be saved.
I would withdraw from anything to do with her.

Be certain you turn over to new POA, court, or you mother (if competent) her records of all money in and out. This action of your now is paid by the POA )(HER) until you are no longer POA.
Go to each entity by person (Bank officers) or by registered mail to show you have resigned as her POA. Refer them to new one or to her own mailbox.

Jeez. I just had surgery yesterday and now had to spend all this time on this silliness.
LauraL..............................I know you. You are a good deal smarter than this.

As to your Mom, tell her "Well, you have DONE IT NOW. I quit. I quit as daughter as well as POA. Go ahead SUE ME"

Sounds like time for a Restraining Order for Mom.

As the others said go to an attorney to insure you follow all the correct steps to give up POA . State that you have too much on your plate at home you need to tend to and you can not be your mother’s POA . Go No contact with your mother.

Do not trust your mother . She will try to make your life miserable . My mother hit me then told me she was going to tell the police that I hit her , which I didn’t . She said to me “ who are they going to believe , you or the old lady ?” She threatened this because she wasn’t getting her way. She had dementia. She actually did call the police a different day and told them I stole her money . She was in a facility by then and the facility director told the police she had dementia. The police did call me to warn me what Mom did and recommended I stay away , which I did for 6 weeks. I was her POA. I should have given it up .

Whether your mother is competent or not , give up POA , let the authorities get her a guardian when needed . You have to protect yourself from what lies she may come up with. In your case I would go No Contact forever.

"She says I can be seen as abandoning her since I gave up the POA and don't assist her in any way."

Looks like OP already gave up POA.