Long story short...my mother liquidated all her assets and purchased a home for my brother and his wife in 2021 where she was supposed to live out her days. SIL became abusive within 3 months and I allowed my mother to move in with me in March 2022. It was a huge mistake - it was pure hell. She has many health issues including demensia, BPD, NPD, bipolar, etc...She only has about 1300 a month coming in and with your help, my husband and I got her out and into an AL for 1300 a month in July 2023. Well, she's been evicted because of her behavior she has 30 days which can be escalted to 5 if she continues. She will not be coming back here. What are my responsibilities and obligations. Do I call APS? All advise is very welcomed. Thank you.
So, after the Monday standoff on my porch, my brother popped into the picture and is now trying to blackmail me with a list of demands I must fulfill if he's going to take her back.
My mom called my dad and told him that she is going to make my life a living hell and get revenge on me for not letting her come back to live with me and if that means she is going to come to my porch everday - then thats what shes going to do.
Just to be clear, my mother shouted the most nasty vulgar langage towards me that anyone can imagine. Her eyes looked like she was posessed. She did the same to the first responders.
Tuesday, I get a call from the charge nurse at the hospital who then decided to bully me. Telling me that my mother is ready for discharge and they will be sending her to my home. I told the CN that "no, she has a home at the AL and you can discharge her there. He told me "no, she doesn't want to go there she wants to come to your house and you are her daughter and thats the way its going to be."
Because of all of you...I said "no, she does not live her. That would be an unsafe discharge as my husband and I are at work, and cannot care for her, she has a home at the AL." I am not her POA and don't want anything to do with her. Please contact her son if you are looking for family or take her back to the AL. I then hung up.
Today I got a voicemail from my mother who was as sweet as could be telling me how much she loved me and will continue to love me no matter what.
I also got a call from APS. They were just trying to be kind and give me a heads up...she said she visited my mom who is at her AL and she told me that my mom has some sort of vendetta against me and told APS that she will be continuing to come to my house and sit on my porch because she doesn't want to live at the AL. the APS lady told her you cannot do that. You don't live there and your daughter doesn't want you there. You will be arrested for trespassing. She said she didn't care. The APS lady said she recommended that I put up a "no trespassing sign."
It is because of all of you that I gained the knowledge and backbone I needed to handle this and I thank all of you for your recommendations and support.
I moved our family Christmas celebrations to my son's house (mom doesn't know where he lives) so we won't have drama.
Finally, I called APS and placed my report. Of course, the intake person asked if I can do this or that or all these other things to help. I politely told her that I am not interested in doing anything else for my mother. I have already done enough and I am tired of being abused by her. I then told her, that I was making the call so that you could help her with the resources she needs.
4 hour stand off with numerous police cars, crisis intervention, fire department to get her to go to the hospital. Please know that she was verbally abusive to all the first responders. She pulled her pants down in the front yard in front of everyone including the neighbors and peed right in front of everyone. It was like she was demon possessed. I don't know where they took her and I don't care.
At the same time this was going on, I basically stayed in my locked house and came out through the side gate to talk to the first responders every now and then. But inside, I was calling my dad and husband to give them the updates.
About half way through the ordeal, my dad says guess who's here. I said who. He says, your brother. Mind you my brother hasn't taked to my dad since taking my mom's money about 3 years ago. Anyway...long story short, there is a posibility that he will be taking her back to his house and I will withdraw my POA or transfer it to him.
Well there you have it. My crazy life. I am hoping to get back to my normal life very soon.
So your brother and SIL are going to have their world turned upside down. ALL that money that she spent on their behalf? I assume she'll be going on medicaid and they will not tolerate that HUGE expenditure.
I assume your mom is not properly medicated for all her issues. If she was, she probably would not be getting kicked out of AL.
If you are really wanting to wash your hands of her, I guess APS is the only answer.
Sorry you've been through the wringer on this one.
So relieved you are giving up POA but you must do this legally. You cannot give this to your brother. He cannot get it from someone incompetent. You Mom will likely go to state guardianship now, but that isn't your problem. Your problem now to is resign LEGALLY.
I REPEAT, GRACI. YOU MUST RESIGN LEGALLY BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER IS NOT COMPETENT. UNTIL YOU DO THAT A NOTARIZATION IS NOTHING; IT ATTESTS ONLY TO YOUR SIGNATURE. YOU NEED TO SEE AN ATTORNEY ABOUT HOW TO RESIGN LEGALLY WITH AN INCOMPETENT MOTHER.
I have now written this to you about 40 times. A notary means nothing legally. A notary only means that your signature is your signature. You have to resign legally when it is an incompetent person. Call APS first and ask them how you can resign POA in your state when the person is already incompetent. They perhaps can guide you.
If not you MUST MUST MUST pay an attorney to guide you in legally resigning.l
Again, I am so relieved you are finally getting out of this. Please don't get entangled again. But you have to resign the right way or the authorities can claim you abandoned your mother.
Here from aging care how to resign as POA:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/can-a-caregiver-change-a-loved-ones-power-of-attorney-137706.htm
If she hasn't been officially declared as being incompetent or with dementia you would not have to find someone else to take over as POA. If she has then you might be in a bit of a pickle there.
Hugs 🤗