I know the rest of my family will not help my grandparents. It doesn’t matter how many times I ask for help. I’ve been desperate enough that I’ve called crying, literally begging because it’s too much to handle on my own but I don’t get anything but excuses. I’ve finally understood they’ll never help me and I can’t guilt them into helping or wish they become better people. I’ll have to keep doing the best I can, alone, while trying to raise my own family.
But how do I get past the resentment?! How can I act like it’s fine when my grandparents talk about their kids and other grandkids when I see what’s really going on? My grandmother can be hard to deal with- she’s pretty mean to me and is very demanding. I do everything I can, but it’s always wrong, never up to her standards. All day, every day, without a break. Yet she has her daughter on a pedestal, despite never seeing her and rarely even getting calls from her?! I’m so frustrated (and busy) and I don’t know how to get over this resentment. It’s not helping me be a better caregiver, it’s just making me miserable.
also contact visiting church programs and see if there are adult day care or senior centers .
sadly grandparents have their fantasy of their favorite children , when even they aren’t appreciative, it is time to arrange other care givers
So I think that's how you get past the resentment. By changing what you are doing.
Accepting you need the help. Arranging the help.
Alternatively you could take the advice of that one who disagreed I suppose, the one who said be a 'willing martyr'.
Don't think that will lessen any resentment though - probably increase it then cause you to collapse from fatigue.
In a nutshell: change or collapse.
There is no winning in this situation for ANYONE.
It is heart wrenching.
You need to get out of the situation you have taken on.
Stop taking responsibility.
Either your grandparent's adult child/ren manage their parents' care and needs or the state will.
The question you need to answer is what quality of life do you want?
Are you willing to lose everything - money, quality time, family, health?
These are not easy questions to answer. Although you must make decisions that ultimately serve you in the long run. You are in a 'no win' situation.
Call authorities and see if there are any legal remedies to assist with the care of your grandparents. I am concerned that you are not taking care of yourself and perhaps not willing to - putting your grandparents first. What then will happen to you? You are already filled with resentment and anger.
How much more can you take?
and why would you?
You must develop self-esteem and feel self-worth to put yourself first.
Get professional help. You must change - no matter how difficult this is.
You do not need to carry this load by yourself! Trust me, you will here from ALL of them when she dies. A family is never as ugly as when someone dies. I went through this with my family.
The main thing is to realize if she is left alone at a facility, she will be OK. Her memory will not let her remember anything from the day before. You can have peace, you were always the one to do what was needed. In other words, you did your part! Over and beyond, I might add.
Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about anything after your mother dies. I believe in God, and I believe she will go to Heaven. When she does, she will be completely well and will know you were the one who made the difference in her life. She does not want you to have any regrets about her!
Hold your head up high Girl and know you did great!
Sounds like you are being exploited by your entire family. I would tell your grandmother you can’t help anymore. She needs to explore other options.
Go out and live your life.
I f I am misunderstanding the situation, please offer more info.
I have not been on this forum for long, but I share a similar situation to yours. See my questions and replies.
Pay no attention to the replies where people are doing scrutinizing every single word you type from previous posts months back and comparing them to recent posts. Then trying to catch you out to see if your story has changed. The worst thing is other members of the forum actually considering them helpful answers.
** This forum is for considerate, constructive, and supportive help to everyone on any question, period! **
I had a great reply from bundleofjoy recently on one of my questions and that's the sort people need to hear. Just check my question to see the reply from bundleofjjoy. It is really useful advice.
Hang in there, be strong, consider this as validation to your worries.
Love & Peace.