My grandmother is 92 and she has dementia. I’m not sure what stage. She normally lives in Puerto Rico but we recently moved her here because there is no one to take care of her. The plan was my mother and sister were going to take care of her in shifts (I have trouble communicating because my Spanish is very basic) I told them this before they brought her. Now she has been here for 3 weeks and I am the only one taking care of her. None of my siblings want to do it (except the oldest but she has a daughter and can only give so much time) my mother works and sleeps when she gets home and my youngest sister refuses. It has been very hard on me. My grandma wakes up through the night to put on clothes or clean or she doesn’t sleep at all and wanders. My sleep is completely non existent. Recently I’ve been in such deep sleep I haven’t heard her get up. She has had two accidents. She did number two everywhere in my bathroom and she has peed on my carpet. Now I am afraid to sleep and am constantly vigilant. I don’t know what to do anymore. My family REFUSES to put her in assisted living and I understand but I am the only one pulling the weight. On top of that I run my household while my mom is at work or sleeping so I have to clean and feed everyone.
I didn’t look into this option too seriously because when I brought up the topic to mom she immediately shot it down and I didn’t insist that she do it.
It is a viable option that would be useful to so many, not just the caregiver but socialization for the elderly.
Those were the reasons I was interested because I couldn’t understand why my mom was content with only me. I always found it odd that she didn’t want to be among people her own age at times. I see that as a plus.
Also, too much togetherness among family members is not healthy. It’s only natural that friction occurs by working on each other’s last nerve. That happened in my home. I don’t think anyone necessarily wants it to happen. It just does.
I found resistance even with suggesting going to the community senior center that offered lunch, crafts and classes. Some seniors isolate themselves. It’s no wonder there is depression among seniors and caregivers. Both become isolated.
Time to stand up for yourself - you don't say if you have an outside job but even if you don't the sit them down & write up a contract that you get paid for your work for grannie & you get time off as well - your mom sleeps or works [that leaves about 6 to 8 hours a day when she does what?] but when do you sleep? - stop letting others be rested & you not - others can pay you if they can't help out & don't accept any weaseling out with 'I'm short this week' .... then they pony up time
They won't like it when their patsy is firm - write out a letter & give a copy to all then stand your ground