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It can be truly hard to live as ‘one’ as a couple. I suppose at times that it seems nearly impossible to do because we still want to maintain our individuality. It comes down to compromise. Give and take. No one gets their way all of the time.

I think of the strong work ethic that my father taught me. I am forever grateful to him.

He told me things from day one in my very first job as a teenager that I still value and always will value because it was sound, solid advice.

Life truly is compromise. It’s a dance of give and take. Don’t fret the small stuff. Walk away if you have a valid reason to. Try not to burn any bridges along the way.
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bananastand Dec 2019
Thank you for your reply. Good parents are a treasure, and not to be forsaken. I learned a lot from my Dad too, and Mom was a great and lovely person to be raised by.
Hopefully a compromise can come about and maybe we will be stronger in the long run.
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It is hard trying to juggle multiple roles: daughter,wife, caregiver, plus more I'm sure. Do you have any siblings or relatives that can help you out with your mom to give you a break? Maybe to take a mini vacation so that you can reconnect with each other? Or are you able to place her in respite care for a brief stay? Or schedule time while she's at the senior center for the two of you? It is difficult to be a caregiver in and of itself. Add the daily difficulties of daily life and it's easy to overlook each other and the relationship. Good luck.
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IMHO, your marriage may be in jeopardy if mother doesn't choose facility living, which you do not wish.

I, myself, had to leave my husband to move to my mother's state 7 states away from mine as she demanded to live alone.
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notrydoyoda Dec 2019
Did your marriage last with that move?
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I responded previously, but wanted to say that people make promises of "I will never put you in a nursing home", but they say it with what they know at that time. Things change.  8 years is a long time and managing someone 24/7 in your home is tough.  Your moms care has increased/changed and you and your husband are now 8 years older too.  You are not selling your mom short or doing her a dis-service.  She might actually enjoy having interaction with people her own age and in the same stage of life.  You and your husband are entitled to "golden years" too.
There are beautiful, well equipped assisted living facilities.  You need to visit a few
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2019
Even if they don’t enjoy socializing sometimes people have to place someone because the caregiver can’t cope anymore. Let’s be honest here, if a person consumes someone’s entire life it can become miserable for the caregiver. Everyone needs a break sometimes!
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