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So over the last two months my father who has: Parkinson’s. COPD, congestive heart failure, and dementia has been severely ill.
2 months ago he has e-coli in his blood, but fully recovered after a few weeks.
1 month ago a severe UTI that took almost two weeks to clear up with antibiotics.
10 days ago he was diagnosed with pneumonia and extremely low blood pressure.
Since he got out of the hospital he’s gone from being himself to a full decline of agitation and irritability, hallucinations, barely eating and drinking, to these last two days of:
ONLY SLEEPING, no walking to eat or drink, only meds he’s getting are ones I can crush and mix with liquid to get down.
He’s in hospice care at home with me.
i am afraid this is the end, but how can I know

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Hospice can answer any questions you might have. They can guide you through the EOL process. Don't hesitate to use the IDT (interdisciplinary team): nurse, social worker, chaplain, therapists, and volunteers (to give you a break).
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What your dad is experiencing is the 'normal' EOL decline.

Some people do it fast, in a matter of days, some linger for seemingly forever.

I'm sorry for you--but you have the benefit of knowing that he will pass, probably sooner than later. You can begin to emotionally prepare yourself for his passing.

The only meds he needs at this point are comfort meds. I remember mom crushing up dad's lipitor at the end, and it was so nasty and bitter. He was barely able to swallow and the lipitor wasn't doing anything to help him.

Comfort meds--pain & anxiety as needed. Don't worry about addiction.

He will sleep more and more and be less interested in anything around him. His hands and feet will become 'mottled' as the circulatory system shuts down. His urine output will decrease to almost nothing. He may talk to people you can't see. Don't push him to drink or eat--let his 'wants and needs' be the guidepost as to how you handle the end.

My sweet dad didn't want to die at the holidays. He held out until 45 minutes into the New Year, 19 years ago. It was a beautiful, peaceful & spiritual moment for all of us. We felt his precious soul leave his body and felt actual angels in the room with us. I have been so grateful for the calm & gentle release he got after the suffering he went through.
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I don't know that we're ever fully "ready" to lose a parent, any of us. But when they reach a point where they cannot recover from the illnesses that keep beating them down, with dementia thrown in, that's when the merciful solution is for God to take them out of their misery. I watched dad die with hospice from a brain tumor; a simple UTI put him in bed and he passed 19 days later. I watched mom die with hospice from advanced dementia and CHF whereby she had a sharp decline suddenly and passed within 1 week. It was a blessing, really, at 95. To see her in SUCH awful condition was heartwrenching. She's at peace now driving dad crazy once more 😁

I'm very sorry for your pain and suffering from all of this. Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace.
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My dad declined this way.
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Your Dad has so much wrong with him. Dementia alone gas robbed him of his memories maybe not knowing his children or remembering Mom. Let him go. He is tired and worn out. If you believe in the here after then you know he will be whole again and in no pain.
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I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this right now, but if there is a sliver lining(and there is)it is that your dad will no longer have to suffer with all of his issues and will be once again healthy and whole and at peace when he leaves this world for the next.
There is no greater gift than that for you and for him, so don't lose perspective. I know that you wouldn't want him to continue on the way he has been for the last several weeks, so just enjoy the gift.
May God bless you and keep you.
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Thank you so much!
I did speak to her tonight and she told me I’m probably days away from him passing.
I’m literally not ready for this at all.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2023
No one is ever truly ready. These situations stir up all sorts of memories and in us.
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I feel your pain. I took care of my mother who had Parkinson’s. She died at age 95 in an end of life hospice care home.

Low blood pressure is common for Parkinson’s patients. Mom had high blood pressure when she was younger and after she got Parkinson’s disease her blood pressure meds were removed.

Speak to your dad’s hospice nurse. I found them to be very knowledgeable about end of life signs.

Wishing you peace as you continue on in your caregiving journey.
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