Can a person with dementia become more gentle as the disease progresses?

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Can a person with dementia become more gentle as the disease progresses?

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The Men with Dementia can be angry and controlling (especially if they always were) but then, they cry more, or act silly and quiet down.

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Lizroxy24 gives an excellent answer. When my father-in-law was in the throes of dementia, he had his moments, but until he made a remark that made no sense, you wouldn't even have known. He remained a gentleman in the true sense of the word. His lived in his own world, his family-owned business, and the staff of the nursing home even went so far to set up an "office" for him in his room, giving him junk mail to open and "deal with" as though it were important business mailing. My mother-in-law was just about the same way. If they had their nasty and combative moments, I never saw them. My mother, on the other hand , was accusatory, delusional, dramatic and angry until the disease progressed to the point that she was in a coma-like sleep and then passed away.

I know now that the anger and drama I saw from my mom was a magnification of what her personality had been all her life, as was my in-law's. My mother's anger was not aimed at me but at life in general and what turn it had taken and "done to" her. I felt sorry about that as well, but I had done nothing to cause it. Guilt feelings and feelings of sadness to see my mom like that were inevitable, but as long as I made sure she was well cared for and safe in her facility, I didn't let those feelings overwhelm me.

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My mom was always an in-charge, independent, strong woman who could also be very strong willed, set in her ways and difficult as times. I was so surprised at the change in my mom's personality for the better in some ways. I have heard and read the horror stories here of loved ones cursing, striking others physically and being plain mean and was so grateful that instead of that route, my mom became a pussycat. Of course she was understandably frustrated as her memory and capabilities were failing, but she didn't direct that towards us. She was always grateful for any help she could get by me and her hired caregivers. It was heartbreaking to see her cry (a lot) and to doctors pleading for help. She always said thank you and never yelled or cursed at anyone (not that she ever did this before her illness either). She definitely mellowed out. My mom was not a very affectionate person but towards the end she was frightened and I would lay in bed with her during her naps and she would hold my hand. It was so sad to see this strong ox of a woman become childlike but if the inevitable change in personality could go either way, we were fortunate that she went the gentle route. Of course this is just my story, but my personal opinion is that there is so much unknown about the brain and it's all a crap shoot and it's difficult no matter what. So buckle up it's not an easy ride, but we'll be here for you! Best to you.

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YES!

Wellbutrin changed our lives.
Wonderful morher all her life but became gentle, affectionate and sweet - BEST years of my relationship with her. It was a blessing to have the last ten years to remember. Her life would have been so much happier if she had been taking Wellbutrin all her life (if it had been sold back then).

There is some correlation between depression and memory loss and I feel antidepressants may have helped her memory (no scientific proof, of course).

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Kudos to LizRoxy24 for mentioning the documentary "Confessions of a Dutiful Daughter". Not sure how available it is any more (if not it should be), but it won awards for a good reason. It actually puts you into the shoes of what this whole situation is like for a family caregiver and the patient. It helps so much!

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Worried, I'm not sure what's appropriate for him and you but on some threads people talk about adding or changing meds to help with agitation or whatever you're noticing. Maybe you can speak to his doctor about it. I don't know if my mother has dementia, she's 85 and diabetec, but she's got some kind of brain decline and yes I'm noticing her being less aggressive, less often. I think and hope that for some, their sense that they're weaker can sort of defeat their typical stance of power... sad to say those words, but it's sort of what I hoped for. Good luck :)

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YES. Mine did. Mother is 96. I dealt with the angry unappreciative side for several years (as I worked full time) but helped her daily through 3 decades of delusions et al. She was very high strung her whole life. She is very disabled now...severe dementia..blind..wheelchair..in memorycare now. ..but for the past year she has changed to sweet and appreciative. But I hung in there patiently through the bad years and am happy that the final years have become kind.

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I hope your situation will become one where the dementia patient becomes more gentle. My experience has been the opposite. My mother, who was a tiny, gentle, caring person, became combative toward my father, who was her caregiver. She pulled a knife on him. My husband threatened me that if I didn't take him home from the nursing home, he would die. I couldn't take him home, and he died peacefully in his sleep. He won.

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My Mothers spirit seemed to fade and she got quiet. The voices in her head stopped and she seemed to give up. The meds made her not care and she slept a lot. I was happy she wasn't tormented anymore, but sad that I had lost my Mother. I also think the brain quiets down when the disease progresses.

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So glad to read these comments, and yet so sad too.

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Yes, they can go either way. You usually only hear the horror stories of dementia. I was a caregiver to a lady who had been very difficult and demanding in her younger years ( as described by her children), but with Alzheimer's she was quite sweet and easy-going.
The book, "The 36 Hour Day", is a wonderful resource for caregivers of patients with dementia. In my own experience keeping days on a routine....predictable, being in their surroundings, and not changing routines....all of these things will go a long way. Frustration occurs more frequently when they feel stressed, or forget how to do everyday activities. Reminding them that it is no big deal and telling them how you forget things too also helps.
If you are the primary caregiver, have a backup person and take breaks...you will need it! Prayers for you.

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Yes. I have two family members who had alzheimers and were difficult, angry and unpredictable at the beginning and during the progression of the disease off and on. As their speech faltered and they did not want to eat (or forgot how) and became more confused, it seemed they began to just "relax" if you will... because they could not process thoughts or even feelings and became more gentle and accepting... That was later when they could not get around or even "want" to go or do things... Kind of a "twilight" state which I have also seen in many seniors I helped care for, closer toward the end.. Everyone is different of course but with my family members, the most difficult and sad times were the earlier stages of the disease when they fought against most everything and were scared or so confused about their changing self and had such paranoia. That was the hardest. Good luck and May God bless all of you.

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Wow, it is encouraging to read the responses. I am hopeful that my husband will be less angry at me as his disease progresses. Oh, the irony of that statement...

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I have heard of and seen many cases where patients mellow out as the disease progresses. Especially when someone has an easygoing personality as their baseline they may go through phases of agitation or aggression in the moderate stages (often triggered by frustration or the environment) and then go back to being calm and content.
People who "always had to be the one in-charge" tend to get more angry and frustrated in the mild stages as they feel they are loosing control. This can continue through the moderate stage but eventually tends to burn out as they understand less of what is going on.

What the caregivers do with the patient makes a big difference as well. If the caregiver uses good communication techniques and adapts the environment in a way to help the person have a sense of control they often calm down. Delusions are often a passing phase that may stick around for 3-6 months but are rarely static. They change with the disease and situation.

Sometimes you get a person who has always been a difficult person but as the disease progresses they get nicer. A good example of this is the mom in the movie "Confessions of a Dutiful Daughter". The mom had never accepted that the daughter was gay. As her disease progressed she became more accepting and came to adore her daughter's partner.

In the advanced stages of the disease most patients tend to withdrawal and become more quiet. It may be harder for them to follow instructions as they have more difficulty with comprehension. In general they are less likely to act out. Because of this you tend to see a peak of caregiver stress from difficult behaviors in the moderate stage.

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My mom has her moments of both, but she always has. She is toward the end, but is physically healthy so will be with us for quite a while ;-) hopefully.

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My mom has her moments of both, but she always has. She is toward the end, but is physically healthy so will be with us for quite a while ;-)

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Can a person with dementia become more gentle as the disease progresses?

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