Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I read a lot of posts by women who are at the end of their rope taking care of spouses who are difficult to take care of. I wonder what keeps them motivated taking care of someone who has a host of behavioral issues.
A lot of answers here were based off of the OP question. There was no personal information provided with the question, just a question. A lot of responses came where people shared their own journey. Some responses were based of of the question itself and directed at no one in particular. However, it seems that those who do not agree with another's opinion is deemed judgmental. When in fact it was a matter of what would you do in this case, sort of thing. This forum is about sharing of ideas and each ones journey if they want to share. Everyone does not have to agree. But it always seems if someone gives their own opinion and the majority do not like it, then they get attacked and are told not to judge, when in fact no judgement has been placed except by those who oppose someones opinion. One may think it is okay to leave a loved one if they change or become different and that person has their right to believe that and act upon it. And one may believe under no circumstance is it ok to do such a thing, and they have a right to believe that. But no one has judged anyone here and should not be accused of such because they state their views on the subject.matter.
Very true Smeshque. The beauty of this space is that we all can share our honest opinions and also receive honest opinions. I’m convinced that we can get help and enlightenment from all answers. Opinions are opinions, not judgement.
Demstress, while it's extremely difficult for one to care for an ill spouse, i think it would be better to place the person in a nursing home.
Divorcing might make them free, but they might feel guilty leaving an ill person like that. Putting spouse in a nursing home though, would benefit both of them.
It's most unpleasant (putting it mildly) to be tossed to the curb when you no longer serve your spouse's needs and when you, yourself aren't even ill and you have a 3 year old child. You soon become ill as you have no idea what you and your 3 year old will do. The individual I speak of is Llamalover47.
I have not had an easy life, and I learned many things too late but now I am much wiser. There are several issues one needs to think about. First of all, is the condition of the patient causing a great deal of negativity for you, your family, your lifestyle, etc. Are they mean, abusive, impossible to handle with all of the related problems? How are you holding up? Do you want to take care of them or are you so stressed out you can't take it any longer? What are the financial situations? You must face something - you may love the patient but they are not and never again will be what you once loved - they are, in essence, gone. No one can make these decisions for you. But, I offer this advice. If the care is doing you great harm physically, mentally, emotionally - then it will eventually destroy YOU and in order for this not to happen, you must consider putting them somewhere so you can lead a normal life. You should not feel guilt because YOU want to live, and you deserve to live. Get help from agencies and the professionals who have experience in these matters and get all the information you can gather. Then make your decision and don't let others influence you - you are trying to save your life while you still have it. Don't allow anyone to destroy you. At this point, you come first. You are not doing anything wrong.
Perhaps there's something about women's constitution, in general, that makes them better suited to be caregivers of young and old...
But it would always be on a case-by-case basis. People are individuals. There are women who are not suited for caregiving, there are men who are amazing caregivers. A marriage would only complicate the individual factors. Was it an otherwise good marriage or was it rocky, anyway...?
I think everyone has to decide for themselves what they can provide, for their spouse, in the way of years of hands on caregiving.
I think it is important to talk to an elder care attorney. Our advice was to not get divorced and somehow she will be able to save enough of our assets that I should be ok too. I do not know how this is possible. This decision about placement has nothing to do with the love within a marriage it has to do with the best way to proceed for both people in the marriage. You can still be faithful to a marriage when one person is in residential care.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A lot of responses came where people shared their own journey.
Some responses were based of of the question itself and directed at no one in particular.
However, it seems that those who do not agree with another's opinion is deemed judgmental.
When in fact it was a matter of what would you do in this case, sort of thing.
This forum is about sharing of ideas and each ones journey if they want to share. Everyone does not have to agree. But it always seems if someone gives their own opinion and the majority do not like it, then they get attacked and are told not to judge, when in fact no judgement has been placed except by those who oppose someones opinion.
One may think it is okay to leave a loved one if they change or become different and that person has their right to believe that and act upon it. And one may believe under no circumstance is it ok to do such a thing, and they have a right to believe that. But no one has judged anyone here and should not be accused of such because they state their views on the subject.matter.
Divorcing might make them free, but they might feel guilty leaving an ill person like that. Putting spouse in a nursing home though, would benefit both of them.
But it would always be on a case-by-case basis. People are individuals. There are women who are not suited for caregiving, there are men who are amazing caregivers. A marriage would only complicate the individual factors. Was it an otherwise good marriage or was it rocky, anyway...?
I think everyone has to decide for themselves what they can provide, for their spouse, in the way of years of hands on caregiving.