This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Johnny, so happy to hear you are getting a "second honeymoon". You and her are able to make new memories and that is priceless. She must be very grateful to have you, and for you to have her. It is nice to see some married folks actually are happy to be together..
Starri, any sleep today??? Let us know what hospice said and did.
Seeme, I just love you, plain and simple,,, hope you get some rest soon..
Jam, so happy to hear you got the caregiver you wanted... sounds like things are going to work out fine for a change...
ASG, I love you too, but I meant what I said about the cat... but I still love you......
Hope to hear from the rest of the new folks to let us know how you are and what is going on in your world... we think about you even if you don't post... hugs to everyone...
He might be talking to my dead body soon. Thanks for letting me vent. Oh I cant have the tv on because he thinks the people are real and he gets mad at them also. H E L P !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Karmic.... all my friends call me Ladee, pronounced like Lottie, but with a d instead of tt.It confuses a lot of people, they think it is like Lady, nope, I am not a lady, but I am a Ladee... tell us about yourself...
To the other lady that posted, I am sorry I forgot to write down your name,, the one that made the choice to keep dad on antibiotics... good for you. If that is what your heart and head are telling you to do, then no wonder you are peace with it... let us know how you are doing, and an update about your dad... I will get your name next time, sorry, hugs to everyone..
JAM, i wanted to tell you about the coffee a long time ago. COL does not need stimulants. Coffee without caffeine is much better!
ASG, I am sorry. Sometimes I am blunt. My cats eat whenever they want; it is summer now and they mostly eat dry food: I leave a bowl in a place that the dogs can't reach and they go self service. I buy good dry food in specialized shops, (if you buy it in large bags you save a lot of money), because the dry food of the supermarkets sometimes is bad for the kidneys. (I buy IAMS) And I give them wet food just early in the morning, and in the evening. But most of the time they decide when and how much they want to eat. Of course I have 15 cats so I never know how much each one of them eats! In summer they eat much less than in winter, so don't worry if she seems to lose appetite.
Karmicelephant, I wrote you on the other thread.
Gosh I have to go to work (Ladee, my sewage system got broken and I dread the bill of the plumber! 10 translations maybe will be enough to pay for it!!!!)
yearight, hope to see you again. You are welcome here, as is said often ,pull up a chair, a cup of coffee and let us get to know you... hugs to you
Rossella.......even though the col was using such a big pot....I started putting decaf in the canister a long time ago. That's just like Nexium "it's the staff of life" according to her and that nasty Prilosec doesn't work. I changed her to Prilosec about 8 mo ago and told her it was generic Nexium. She doesn't know better and it works. She called tonight to visit and sat there on the phone arguing about the rules she will have to acknowledge before she comes home. I'm slowly coming to realize she will never stop arguing.....that is something she is just going to do. But I can guarantee her new care giver will not allow her to do anything she is not supposed to do. I will have to remind hubby that when she is here, we cannot interfere with her handling of the col unless she calls and says she needs help.
Still trying to catch up on posts.....
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Hope everyone has a good night and try to get a little bit of sleep....supposed to storm here by early morning....I hope I see a sleep-in coming....enjoy it while I can.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Ladee, what can I say! if the plumber solves the problem I am even too happy- Otherwise I shall have to remake the plant and I am shivering at the idea! These are the disadvantages of living in your own house. If something gets broken you can't share the cost with other families!
This morning one of my cats and one of my dogs kissed each other for a quarter of an hour. These are beautiful things to see!
BTW, I am not "visiting" here... I write here and on the other thread as well because I have friends here and there, and I don't want to give up any of you!
Johnny, Hello and please say hi to Miss Betty for me. Glad you are newlyweds again. I remember back then.......barely !!!
Car 54, I am really sorry about your situation, and it sounds like you have some decisions only you can make. You don't DESERVE to be beaten for all that you do. As long as you realize that. And there are no medals to be won.
Rosella, I keep telling my husband to have aur septic tank pumped out. I have let all the flushable wipes go down the toilet, but lately there have been so many. Our yard is flat and it only costs $200 for 3-4 years worry free, but it is a matter of pride with him, so he says no. He works in that dept. with the city, so he knows better than I do. HUH !!! We will see ..........
Karmic...........we like being silly here, it saves our sanity. And don't be surprised if we don't stay on topic. We say what is on our minds.....what is left of our minds.... it may be difficult to tell if we are the patients or the caregivers at times.
Starri, what shift are you on today? Only one more day till you give the insurance company "what for", huh? Get some answers or you will be next. That candle must be pretty short by now, burning it at both ends. I know. Hope bro stayed home at night. Isn't it kinda mountainous there? I just see him on twisty curvy mountain roads in the middle of the night.......but bless his heart that he knows you need the help.
Jam, I don't think rain would make any difference in stringing up the fence now, so enjoy the sleep-in if you got one. And if it rains tomorrow they only have to worry about the electric part. HAHAHA I just saw them in my mind standing there, sudden downpour, and they all have their hair sticking out, they are perpendicular to the fence and their eyes are bugged out. Welcome home, col !! heeheehee OK.......ok........lack of sleep, I know.
Ladee....love you girl......I'm hanging in there....got an apology from mom last night for her meltdowns yesterday......she didn't know she was talking to me, but kept saying she had to aplolgize to me. Guess she thought I was Kathy. I knew she would, just not like her to jump on me like she did. So we are OK now. Just put her heater on in her room....she will probably sleep now. Still up numerous times at night.
Let me catch up some more. Ya'll were busy on here last night !!!
yearight...........sorry you don't have more time for us, but post when you can. Maybe we can give you a chuckle know and then.
Time for breakfast....hubby promised omelets this morning. Then I want to tear up some plants in the garden and start some diferent ones. Got too many snow peas and no garden peas. Heat should go back down to normal soon. Everyone have a blessed Sunday. Prayers for all.............
Had Hospice out today, she came in and checked her out, I was afraid of pneumonia, the way she was breathing and coughing, Nurse said that she didn't sound like there was fluid in the lungs.. We ended up putting in a cath, that way I don't have to worry about trying to get her out of bed, and neither does the brother, I worried about him trying to move her cause he is so unsteady on his own.
She's not really able to eat and drink anymore, she spits up everything she tries to take in. It's not going to be much longer and we have to consider hospice house, I hate to do that, but we will not have much of a choice about it. Cleaning her after a poo is going to be a two person job..
Thank you for all your advice, it's been a God Send... Time to try and get some rest before I get the first call for help.
ludwig... your story about the roses reminded me when my mom passed away and the magnolia tree that had never bloomed. She had planted the tree 16 years before she passed away and it had never bloomed. The day after she died it was full of beautiful ,wonderful smelling flowers ... we decided God had put her in charge of things that didn't bloom, she would get the job done..It has been 27 years and I still miss her. Prayers sent your way this morning..
Karmic, silly but serious when needed... that is our motto. as you can see it is not all silliness, but the laughter gets us thru..hope you keep posting
Starri, happy to hear they finally did the cath.. that will make things so much easier.. I know you have a difficult decision ahead of you, but trust in yourself , you will know when the time is right..prayers sent your way
seeme, happy to hear mom apologized, that Dr.s appt. cant get here soon enough..
ASG, how is it going with Aunt Acid, you know I am making a joke here, it is a play on words, no offense intended...and yes you still vent about her and I will keep my mouth shut. You are doing what works for you and that is good enough for me.. OK?
Jam, love ya, don't want to get your day started thinking I left you out again... by the way the brace on my leg is really helping. As smart as I am(???), I do lack in common sense at times...
Rossella, yes please take pics of all the "kissing"... hope your last house disaster does not cost you a fortune...
If I missed anyone, I'll catch you later, hugs across the miles to everyone..love you too seeme.
My mother has slept all but 5 hours of the last 48 hours. She still eats when she wakes but I think she is just being compliant; she takes everything I put in her mouth. I don't understand why some days she is fairly alert and interacts but other days she just sleeps all the time. I wish I could spread around some of her sleeping time to your loved ones so you other caregivers could get some sleep.
Anyway, I am very blessed to have a sitter I can trust and that Mother has enough Social Security income to cover some sitting; Joyce is coming this morning to stay til Thursday while I go with most of our family to the beach. Going to thoroughly enjoy my grandkids for a few days. I'll be praying for and thinking of you all though while I'm gone. Taking my laptop and probably won't be able to stay away from y'all!