This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Mom made it through the night, I came home this morning, took the morning meds and a sleeping pill and I have been out of it all day, one blessing about getting the sleeping pill yesterday, got a solid 8 hours of sleep, hubby said the phone rang a couple of times, never did hear it..lol..
Brother is over there right now, and he will just get to stay there for a while more, her meds are all laid out through 530, so I don't have to worry about that. Reminded him one more time that he doesn't need to get into the pill boxes.
I guess that most of my feelings last night were frustrations to see her in pain and know that there was nothing I could do about it. She's getting less and less stable on her feet, she can sit barely on the bed and can't swing herself any further in, I have to get her up on the bed as best as possible, have her lay down and then use a sheet I put under her to move her further away from the edge.
I dread the day that the diapers have to come into play, just trying to move her now hurts her, I'm unable to lift her, so even trying to guide her to the bed side is a risk.
Waiting for hubby to get back from town, we'll have a bite to eat together and then I will go start my night. Hope that we hear from the insurance company on what it is their wanting for them to give us information about the possibility of getting help in, so that brother and I get at least one whole day a week off.
Talk with everyone sometime this evening.
onacliff.....that is what I call my mil.....crazy old lady.....it's all done with affection. She laughs whenever she hears me say it.
starri....yippee for lots of sleep! And now hubby time....woohoo!
Still reading.....will post more. Sometimes I do this a little at a time so I won't forget anything.....those are my senior moments....:)
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Does anyone have a idea on how to 'use" the bedpan? lol, which end of the pan goes where? I think the short end goes under the butt and the taller end, ends up under the legs.. she's not going to like it I am sure, but told her this afternoon, it's either that or a diaper if she is not able to get out of bed safely to use the restroom.
I actually think I might be able to get through the night without having to drink two pots of coffee. Will check in again later.. hugs to all
Starri......eight whole hours.......woohoo........I am jealous....my meal out with hubby on Tuesday already feels like it was 3 yrs. ago. He took a ride on the bike this afternoon just to get away from hearing mom call MY name all day. Geeez!
Bedpan use: (as I have seen it done ) Put baby powder on the fat rim. Have patient roll to one side as far as possible. Hopefully the entire backside is exposed. If not, slide under as far as necessary. Place pan against buttocks and roll patient to her back, thereby putting her on it. The powder makes it slippery enough to slide and doesn't smell bad either. Hope that helps, and there are 2 sizes of bedpans. You may want her to bend her knees to get in a more familiar position. Fat rim goes under the butt. My mom prefers the small one.
Looks like I am going to bed sooner than I thought. I am saying hello to all the new people who posted today. I read all your posts, but have been busy all day and am worn out. Love to you all and I hope to hear from you again. Good night and may everyone get some sleep...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Ladee, I don't work a lot to accumulate money! I work a lot to pay the bills and I am always full of debts! My mother's helpers cost a lot of money and then you have the heating, the electricity, the taxes, the things that get broken and you have to call someone to fix them and they earn in one day what I earn in one week. I prefer to spend 90 per cent of my money paying the helpers, because when my mother will not be here anymore, I shall have to work to support myself so I cannot leave my job (if I go out from the "world of translations" now, I won't be able to come back in 2, 3, 10 years, whenever is the time my mother leaves me!) There are very rich people in Italy; not me! And most of the people I know. We have to struggle hard, hard, hard! (just to make an example, I had to pay a 500 dollars bill of electricity and I have to translate 4 films to earn that amount of money!)
She has disc's that are out in her back, causes severe pain if we have to get her on her back for something. She's nothing but skin pulled over bone now. Just trying to move her at all causes her pain.
Will wait and see if I get a call out of those two, and if I do will call hospice then, otherwise it's a call in the morning to see about someone coming out, sounds like we have a bad storm coming in.
Talk with you ladies later this afternoon, thank you for all your help.
For the lady asking about what to feed the cat? on the bag/can of food they have the recommended amounts to feed them based I believe on their weight. Most cats mine included look like they haven't eaten in days... I personally just keep a bowl of cat food out, and she eats when she wants.. She is a serious little piggie, she will be home, have her treats and eat cat food, and it isn't 20 minutes later she's over at Mom's eating again.
On the nails? if she/he is a indoor cat all the time, go ahead and clip them, will save the furniture, but if she/he goes outside at all, then I would leave them, they need those for self defense.
Take care all...sleepy time for me.
Maybe I can sweet talk the hubby into picking up at least a couple of days shifts per week for now, that can be worked into my brother getting a whole day off and me as well. Feels like the sleeping pill is finally trying to kick in..
Johnny, Here is a BIG HUG just for you {{{HUG}}}
ASG...missed a story yesterday. Guess you were busy. Tell me to get a life instead of living yours, I know. But you have such interestsing things going on and I just sit here.
8 am and I am about to get a shower myself and start working on a veggie platter for the wedding shower next door. Think I will ask to keep her little dog here, only way I can get some dog lovin. One day...I will be complaining about my two Old English Sheepdogs getting into everything, but not for a while.......
Mom was up 12 times from 8pm to 7am this morning. I got 1 hr 45 min of sleep at one time. That was the most. Next was 1 and a half hrs. and I couldn't even get to sleep until midnight. Already have a headache this morning.
Mom is up, so I am done for quite a while. Will come back later.............
Hope everyone had a good night's sleep.......we know starri did after the sleeping pill kicked in. Bless your brother.....big-hearted and full of love for his momma.......and I hope you will get hospice in soon for more help.
onacliff.....very good suggestions.....and yes remember to NOT use your back. Difficult to do, because the tendency is to always use it, I told myself that every day I worked and now I'm retired with a back injury. Didn't listen very well, did I?
Visited with the col yesterday, not coming home yet. Her memory is non-existent until you tell her something and then it's oh yes I know that. She was playing Bingo and got up to show us to her room, just like she was ushering us into her parlor! She likes to show us the star on her door with her name in it. She doesn't have a clue that it means "falling star".....she's a fall risk. Since they have had her playing games I am going to buy a Yahtzee and Bingo game....maybe I can continue the habit. She will not be allowed to just sit and watch CNN all day.....I may put that channel on parental lock. Her coffee consumption has also been cut way back and I finally convinced hubby yesterday, that with trying to "settle her down" why are we giving her back a stimulant of a 12-cup pot of coffee? So she now has a new 5-cup Mr. Coffee. The new keyed dead bolt will go in this weekend....praying for no rain on Monday so the fence can be finished. They are starting her on Depakote, we'll see how she does on that. We said no to Zyprexa, which she had been on all last year and didn't seem to do anything for her. The doc didn't mention the Exelon patch, so my thinking is that they aren't going to be concerned with memory because it's gone and there is nothing that is going to bring it back. I can deal with that.
Hope everyone has a beautiful day.................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam