The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Yeeah I read somwhere that eledtronics are the worse thing to do at bedtime. Maybe that's my problem. Mania? I need some of that I think lol.

Can hubby fib on Saturdays? tell her that you went out early somewhere? as long as she can't get into your room, she can't find you there... hopefully she won't forget that hubby told her you were gone and start banging on your door.

In my own home, a mobile home, there is only one door in the whole house, and that is the bathroom, so I have a curtain up over the "doorway" in the bedroom, everyone knows the rules, if the curtain is up, it's safe to come in, if it is down, you might want to turn around and leave the house..rofl.. it hasn't been up in several days.

It's hard to lie to our loved ones, but sometimes for our sanity and theirs, it's best that we do. Try to rest if you can, I hear mom moaning again, it's time for another dose of pain pills, will have to give them to her.

ASG, what about going to a social service and explain that you need to treat your aunt for an early dementia, but she doesn't let you talk to the doctors? they could give you some advice. I understand you. When my mother was at that early stage, my brother and I felt we had our hands tied up. My mother refused everything. You have to find a way... My mother lived alone, at that time. She has lived with me for 2.5 years, now. When I took her, she was already much more manageable. You can't live like this!!!

I started just going in with mom to her office visits, will the aunt let you? hopefully she will. Mom threatened to disown me I don't know how many times for me telling her doctor the truth about what was going on with her.

I know without her permission the doctor can not talk with you about her care ( hippa law), but there is nothing against the law about you talking to him/her with your concerns, is her doctor friendly? if so, let them know what is going on, long before I had mom's permission (?) to have her doctor discuss her health issues with me, I was talking to him.

She's one of those people who thinks that the doctor doesn't need to know everything that is going on, and then turns right around and fusses because he isn't "curing" her of whatever is going on.

Good Luck...it can be very frustrating,

HB, you and your family are in my prayers today... love ya
Just wanted to check in and tell everyone good morning... Jam, will put the brace on today and see if that helps. I do go for those walks with Sonny so maybe that will help... Why wasn't I born rich so that I didn't have to work.....Oh, and tell Target I am making that list now... but he does need to give me a price range as I can get carried away..
Seeme, try to stay out of trouble today, ok? Thanks for yesterday, love ya..
Starri, girl you have to sleep sometime... hope you get to the Dr. today..
And everyone else, will get caught up this afternoon when I get home...
Sonny wants to know if anyone needs their yard cleaned???? Such a busy little sweet man... and hopefully Ms. M got some good rest last night.. I worry about her being so tired and trying to keep Sonny in the house...
And yes seeme, it is very nice to be working with "humans" this time... AND the daughter does not interfere, Ms. M is very capable of telling me what she needs or wants...and how she wants things done... so later, and love to all hugs..

Dear Burn out,This is the place to come. I thought that I was in bad company until I found this place I call home. After reading a few post and comments by caregivers ,I knew I found my place in the sun,thank you all,johnnycares

Good to see you here Johnny. How is your wife doing?? Are you taking care of yourself? Hope things are going good for your wife and you... hugs to you...

Hey johnny, how's it goin? Did you ever figure out anything about your wifes medicine? I've thought about your situation, that stuffs so expensive its hard knowing what do do. Morning everyone! I'm waking up today and not letting anything bother me. Gonna give a bath in a bit, and start on house work. I'm gonna fold my mound of laundry in my bathroom and be real quite when she coms through and not awnser her if she hollars. Then I will go make sure she's well when I'm done. Maybe I can get it done that way. Haven't got all my laundry done up and folded in about 2 weeks.

Good Morning Posse!

ASG....Cow Patty.....Yippee for you! I swear the col and Auntie could be twins. I thank my lucky stars that my and hubby's careers have given us such an open door with other medical personnel. And of course having the POA helps too. Sweetie, your stress rope is going to snap if you can't stop from being pulled like a rubber band. I know the feeling, believe me! And I feel like I know you well enough that when it does snap, you are going to beat yourself crazy with feelings of guilt. How well do you know Auntie's doctor? You might get something done if you called his nurse. Talk to her and tell her you have concerns about her possible dementia, how well she hides it, they already know all those behaviors if they are worth 2 cents!!! Make them aware that they should evaluate her for that when she comes in the next time. Get them on your side and it should be smoother sailing. Tell them up front that you understand HIPPA and are not asking for information, you just want them to be aware of what is happening. Maybe her doctor can get her on board about signing a POA. And the next time Auntie is in a receptive mood talk to her about a POA, telling her that it would only be in place if something should happen to her and she is not able to answer for herself. Just something to think about...as if you need something else...and you will remember this from working in nh's. Your loved one is living in your home, and maybe at some point you have talked about dying and what they would like to have happen. Most of them say, when it's my time, it's my time, so let me go. Well without any type of paperwork that says otherwise, and that includes an ORIGINAL DNR, medical personnel are obligated by law to attempt resuscitation. That's what I want.....some idiot beating on my chest and sticking tubes down my throat.....I'm having DO NOT RESUSCITATE tattooed on my chest.......The POA that we have for the col addresses everything, from medical care to her finances, that includes investments, real estate, you name it. Once a month I show her all bank statements and even though they are beyond her thought process she seems to be satisfied. We may see a headline soon..."Elderly woman found in car, with engine running, no identification, does anyone recognize this face or the walker shoved up her.... uh behind?" Just kidding.....I feel for you!

starri......sure wish you can get some sleep. Get those meds today.

Hi johnny......haven't seen you in a while. How is your wife doing? Glad to see you posting here.

ladee.....maybe you need to wear the brace since you are doing so much walking. I'm sure your knee is not used to that yet. You can put Sonny on a bus and send him to me.....our lower yard needs the sticks picked up.

seeme........SLEEP.......SLEEP........SLEEP.........I'm sending you 3 hours of uninterrupted nap time. I sure hope I can find an angel like Kathy to help around here. Haven't heard back from my friend, so will have to start looking elsewhere for help...dammit! I have had offers from several nurses to sit with her when needed but not on a permanent basis.

Well, crap why does my day have to start like this? As you know we are taking care of col's dog. He just jumped up on the bed to say hi......now I see a spot of blood on my comforter...:( his butt must be bleeding again. And I have not fed him one single ounce of people food....in fact I think I actually felt a rib through all the fat yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have been allowing him to run the yard and get his exercise, something she won't allow.

Time to strip the bed, shave the dog's butt again, finish cleaning col's house, watch the fence posts going in today, and make some phone calls for help.

Hubby coined a new phrase yesterday........SHARTIFACT.......what you find in a wet Depends when you change it. Don't ask me..............the BHU must have rubbed off on him...:)

Love and Hugz to All,
Jam

Shartifact............I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!

HB.......I thought this was supposed to be a busy time, but a fun one as you planned a baby shower. I am ssssooooooo sorry that this is not the case. Yes, the cowbell will be something to laugh and cry over later, and I hope it will bring comfort to you in the future. My sympathies to you and your family...............

Starri that's a good idea. Rosella, id be afraid to get social services involved. I don't know about the department that handles the elderly, but I know in our area the childrens division is either corrupt or lacking good managment. You here stories all the time about unfair situations in our county where either a child was removed from the home and shouldn't have been, or children need to be removed but they don't. My sister and her husband who are wonderful parents were awoke at midnight one night and forced to take two of their children to the emergency room to have their children checked out, because of an ex husbands mother getting mad over visitation schedule and falsly reporting my sister. They found nothing but continued to harass my sister until hired an attourney and it imediatly stopped. The attourney wanted to sue social services but my sister just wanted it to stop. He said it they ever showed up again, refuse to let them in and contact him asap. The ex mother in law, takes drugs in the home, was letting another grand child who lives with her to be molested and other physical and severe emotional abuses and has been reported many many times by various school officials and neighbors and that child has been left in the home for all those years. The ex mother in law is friends with many of the social workers, and is sue happy enough they don't mess with her. Its sad. This is just one situation there ae many others. Lots of the people they harass are to poor to fight back. So I don't know, that is a good idea. If were had a good social services program. I would consider it.

Hey Im still here, had a bad Wed. Day. He got mad for no reason...duhh and said he was going to kill me. well I thought just go ahead and put us both out of our misery. Oh well guess you know how that ended he went to sleep and i am still here to tell the tale. I just love everyone on this site I can just vent and no one judges!! Thanks

Jam lmao, shartifact, I love it!!! I did get her to sign a poa, its only medical, but dosnt go into effect until two doctors declare her incompotant. She didn't do a dnr. She said that's what she signed the poa paper for. So if her heart stops don't. Do cpr. I couldn't get her to understand. She got the paper work from her doctors office and we had it noterized at the bank. She had put another lady on her bank account right after her stroke before she decided to come live with us cause she couldn't write her name. She dosnt want to go back and mess with having it taken off. She said if she cant sign checks anymore then we are to have this lady, sighn 10 or twenty or a whole book of them at atime so we can get what she needs. This lady stays on contact with the realitives that wanted to put her in a nursing home. So I'm. Not sure how that will work.

Any ways that's her fix for the financial end of it. I think the lady is honest and wouldn't take from her. I'm just not so sure she won't. Take sides of the other realitives if it comes to it and refuse to do what she hads asked, unless she is put in a home. To be real honest the way thngs have gone, lord I hate to say it but at point if she didn't know what was going on the way things have gone I might let em. I should get those poa papers out and look at em.

My dad also explained to me last night that the dr. Did say my mother would likely get dementia at some point. She does have some sort of brain injury/ disease in the back part of her brain. My mother mentioned it to me before, then retracted her statment saying she really didn't understand what it was she had but he told her not to worry about it for 20 or 30 years. She said she will be dead by then anyways from her smoking! Nice mom. Anyways here latly when I talk to her she will say, now you will take care of you won't you after I lose my mind? Don't let me live with your brother he will yell at me, and your sister would probably slap me. So its kinda turned into a joke between us, that I will take care of her and won't mind if she pees on my couch! Lol. After talking to dad he says she tries to make it sound funny but she's really worried about it. I think I could handle my mom though, even if she was like aunt I think I have an open enough relationship with her to tell her how it will be. I think I will also have the support of my siblings and thed daughter in law. And feel comfortable enough doing what needs to be done. She loves her grand kids. The more noise the better. Although I will say aunt says its to quite when the kids are gone. She says it makes her feel lonley.

Good Morning today im so tired MOm was sick last night so up on and off thru night just found out she has advanced pd and dementia they all say home put her in home i just cannot feel like i can put her in home yet omg just stare at wall shake my head cry going to try new thing for us both change our attitudes dont talk about pd all the time i told her yesterday lets try to live life little im not dead neither is she so lets try am i wrong to say or think like this

Sandraann, hey not at all. That's a good attitude. What's pd? Is it parkinsons disease? If you don't feel she needs a home don't put her in one until you heart tells you to. This is a long hard road. And st some point if you have to don't feel guilty. You will know. Come cry here anytime.

54j can you contact his doctors office and tell them about his behavior there are some medicines that could help that. This job is hard enough without being physically abused. And you really could wind up seriously injured or worse. Thinking about ya.

sandra....need a kleenex? It's okay to feel like that. This job is the hardest thing to do....watch your loved one fail in front of your eyes, knowing there is nothing you can do except keep them clean, safe and as happy as possible for however many days they may have left on this earth. If you are trying to do this alone, you might consider getting some help to give you a little break. I am doing that right now. It's past time that I did and my mil is such a handful that I'm just dying to share all this fun....:) Keep coming back to visit, it helps to let it all out.

ASG......let me know when you start building that wing onto your house, I'll send you a guy that does great work! You've got a heart as big as the sun! Can I come live with you when I can't take care of myself anymore?

Love and Hugz,
Jam

Jam.....Idid get some sleep last night cause Kathy was here. She had almost a normal night, which means mom was up 11 times betweeen 10pm and 6am. She wrote the times down for me. That is what it has been like for the past week or so. Now I'm hoping the antibiotic will kick in and some of that will slow down. I need it down to 4-5 times a night and then I can handle it better. waa waa waa Sounds like Jam is having a busy day. Good luck finding someone...........and NO, Kathy does not travel !!!

JOHNNY......your doppleganger lives in NC !!!! I have looked up your profile before because you look like someone I used to work with........and his name is Johnny !!!! Strange world. Think all the DNA combinations have been used and are starting to repeat themselves????

Starri....Please get your medicine today. I forgot my morning meds yesterday in my rush to get to the dr., and I couldn't figure out what was so strange until I found them in the evening..........I take them to keep everyone here alive. But as I read that you had errands to run, I thought please let her drive safely. Lack of sleep is just as bad as being under the influence behind the wheel. Oh, been meaning to tell you my bil (hubby's baby bro) lives in Aiken....he moved there from Charleston after he retired from AF. He's a teacher there. Hubby used to be stationed at Sumter.

ASG...I had to finish reading this morning about Auntie. I would talk to her doc or his nurse also. My mil would be just like Auntie, except my mil can't hear, so she "hears" what she wants, and only tells doc what she wants them to know. I say them cause she has docs in Maine and SC. I have no idea if they even treat her for the same things, or the same way. She loves to pop a pill for everything!! She goes nuts if she doesn't get a Tylenol PM at night....just ballistic.

Although I am not dealing with ALZ, I really do wonder if some of the behaviors I have read about are exaggerated normal behaviors in the patients, or, maybe what they have always been thinking...without the filters of polite society. My mom has always felt different from her family and felt as though she didn't belong. I still hear the same old stories about that. She ALWAYS said when she was 80, she was going to say just exactly what she thought !!! Yep, can't deny that now, things she never would have said if the filter was tighter. Ah, well...........

Ladeeda, I appreciate your post. If you would have known all of thoses things at the time, You would have done all those things, and in the end it would not have taken away the damn Alz. I fight daily with my mother's CBRF and am even sick of hearing myself tell them things that are common sense as far as I am concerned. It sounds as though you did everything you could and I would think your lady Ruth is forever grateful!

Jam Lol, is he hot? Can I watch him work from behind my window shade? Of coarse you can! By the time you and I get through this with the col's we will both be outta our minds. Ladeeda can come help with us, we promise to be easy on the knee;) everyone else can take turns too! Either caring for us or being crazy with us whichever you choose for the day.

I sure am glad to have found my home here with you all,I just want to tell u all hugs and a big big thank you,johnnycares

Ahh thank you johhny! We are sooo glad you are here! Big big huggs back to ya. You so seem like this is where you belong:)

Oh so her is the story about being attack by my great grandma! The one my dad still laughs about, but I don't lol. So my great grandma was being cared for by my grandma, she was the typical end stage alz. Wore diapers, couldn't walk,only spoke one sylable over and over again, da da da da. Hospital bed, prety much in fetal position, and grandma would put her in a recliner chair in the front living room everyday. I remember it so well, I was wearing my favorite white sweater, pigtails that day. The first thing my grandma and aunt started telling mom when when we came through the door was, keep the kids away from grandma. She grabed ahold of grandpa last night and tried to break his fingers. Now I heard this, and really didn't pay no attention. I went to the front living room just like I always had to watch grandmas t.v. as I was walking through great grandma looks at me and says hey sweetie come here, I think I was just sp shocked cause cause I had never heard say anything other than da da da, I swear she was smiling at me waving her finger for me to come here, so I did, I said hi great granny, how are you doing today, and in a voice I swear sounded like satan she said where is your daddy, I said he at work she lunges at me from her chair grabs my sweater and starts shaking the shit outta me, screaming da da da da da da, with every shake, mom,grandma aunt comes running, no mom, stop she's a baby your gonna shake her to death! It took all three to get me lose. I look over at her and she's just laying back in her chair, chewing her cud, that's we always said she looked like. Anyways she died in her sleep either that night or the next night. I guess that was he last rally, you know they say they will perk up for a day before they go. She definatly perked up. She was a eal religious woman with 8 kids. Lovvved children they said. I remember them telling meoh honey great granny loves you, she is just sick. Yeah right. Lol. Now that I know what alz. Is it makes sense. But not when I was 5.

Afternoon all, Yippee, I actually got 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep..and then maybe 2 more hours, not sure if I went to sleep that time, I woke up the first time to hubby telling someone on the phone I wasn't there, am afraid it was Mom's nurse. Will be calling hospice here in a bit to have her call me back here, so that I don't have to listen to the brothers ticking noises when I talk with her, he makes these sounds like he's disagreeing with what I am saying.. drives me nuts, but I don't think he realizes he does it.. His TBI which has caused the memory problems, makes him fidget all the time, I am surprised that my passenger window works anymore in the car, as when I am taking him some where, it's two pushes down, and then two more up, about every 3 mins. Had him bring his GPS one time on the three hour drive to Columbia to the VA Hospital, don't know that was such a bright idea, I figured it would give him something to mess with besides my window, everytime it told him to do something, IE: stay to the left, stay to the right, turn here...etc.. he would put the damned thing in my face..lol..

Anyway on to brighter news, called mental health today, had the receptionist kinda chew my butt for running out of meds, (been going there for over 7 years now) then she put me through to my therapist, who did chew my butt. But she told me if I needed anything to call her and she would work me in. She got ahold of the Dr. and I should have medications waiting at my drug store, hubby is suppose to pick them up for me.

Him picking them up though depends on if he decides to come home the normal way or he decides to come home from Anderson, SC by way of Highlands, NC.. He's riding his motorcycle and when he gets on that, it's like his brain shuts off.

Allshegot, wow. That's tough for a kid to live through. I hope there are one or two pleasant memories of your great granny, even if they are just stories your Mom tells you about her grandmother.

Starri, I too put in to get 90 days of my meds delivered today. No more letting myself go while I do everything and anything for Mom. Got to take care of the caregiver blah blah. Glad to hear you took that step toward happy and healthy.

Bpryor, na I don't remember sitting on her lap or anything, my sistr does. That's ok. I tell that story with lots of affection:) it is my biggest memory of her, but that's ok. I didn't catch any complexes over it. Its just somthing you never forget!

bpryor- i love the mailorder meds 90 days supplies , no hassel going to cvs to get refils and it cost more plus the gas of going getting em . love the mail meds . comes into the mailbox ohh pa ure drugs came lol . plus its cheaper too ... xoxo