Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
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“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes.”
I have tickets for Sunday. I would like to see Mick sing Time is on our Side with Irma Thomas, our own queen of soul! Mick loves her recording of that song and asked her to sing it with him. Oh gosh, I have seen Irma perform a million times, love her!
“What if it all works out?”
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Many years ago in the Joann May and Ladee era, a caregiver asked the question, "Why is it me, of all my 6 siblings, who has the responsibility of looking after our mother?" She specified that she didn't want anyone to answer who didn't have a batch of siblings.
I, who have only one sibling, answered any, because I knew the answer
which is:
"Because you were available."
I have seen time and again that those who don't want to care give are unavailable - for one reason or another. I have seen my sister back off of doing the simplest things for our Borderline Personality Disordered mother as she wanted to make it clear that she wasn't going to help. Mother got the message and moved closer to me.
But there was still nearly 300 miles between us, and I maintained that, and it made a positive difference to me. My plan for myself was to move to her area, but only after she was gone. I knew if I was closer I would have been hounded to do this and that. As it was, one year for my birthday present she gave me a season ticket to the symphony concerts in Edmonton, so (in her plan), I would drive 300 miles to take her to the concerts. Didn't happen!!! Mother found other people to go to the concerts with.
If you need to, become less available to your senior LO. That also means you are more available to yourself.
The only good thing is I've had a lot less driving on my trips to help than I would have if she hadn't moved. However, I would love to move 1000 miles away, if I could.
Those books, they are in the brave battle stories section, right? Or maybe the horror section 😬
And thus slowly slowly we lose our abilities to act for ourselves, and we depend on those wanting to help us.
Little by little this creeps up. Soon we are being enabled not to make decisions we should be making about moving to more safety, hiring more help and so on.
I miss being able to see my beloved gal more, but we are daily in touch, and she gets to live her own life. I think we treasure our month time together all the more. And I maintain independence it's important to keep as long as possible.
It's just how I see it.
Recently I read MotherLode where Gretchen Staebler returns home to care for aging mom who then lives to over 100. Now reading LadySitting by Lorene Cary. Yup, mom is 100. My friend Di, with all her own physical problems had mom in same town to age 98.
I repeat that it seems to me that more and more we are killing off our own kids. It is really difficult to keep a needed distance. So it just kind of slowly "happens"......
My Aunt used to help her MIL. A little help. A little shopping.
Years went on & the chores snowballed. MIL was losing independance & needed to change her life. Downsize, move to IL/AL or arrange home help. Would not.
This ate up mt Aunt's life. She sought advice & was told to say no to some of it. She experienced awful pressure.
Did MIL's actual (adult) children then step up? No.
They ganged up & increased the pressure on my Aunt (the daughter-in-law) to do everything. To keep being at 'beck & call', the shopper, driver etc. Awful pressure coming from many sides.
My Aunt left town.
She began to live her own life again.
** With her not there, her MIL was FORCED to accept other help **
This is for you Sherry!
If you cannot extricate yourself from participating in this rather toxic situation there really isn't any way that we, a panel of absolute strangers, could help you.
And if you do, give us more information so we can help better ,
Best of luck
I’m having such hard time. It’ll get better I know. But right now, it’s hard. I’ll need some luck to come my way.
My late sister was a smoker, like at least two packs a day. My grandmother smoked. Sister died of lung cancer and grandma of pancreatic cancer. I hate how smoke smells, sticks on the walls, just everything! Luckily, my family are not smokers and hate it as much as I do. Anyway, it is nice how cleaning and getting rid of so many things makes you feel. I love the feel of being rid of so much junk.
A lot of people talk about finding there happiness, but I think finding you peace is the most important!
However , now DH has been getting calls from some guy from some “ real estate firm” asking him if he wants to sell our house to them and stating they will pay us in cash . DH told him “ No and not to call again “
They keep calling . They just called now and DH told them “ fine , the address is 1600 Pennsylvania Ave . “ ( The White House ) . 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Sister and hubbie were at an appointment downtown in the city and had to pay for parking through an app or scan a QR code, neither of which they could figure out. They went inside to ask and came back out to find a $60 ticket 😖
Don't you love modern technology?
Also NEVER let them put the carrier in the overhead baggage compartment. They did that to a pug on a flight once (not sure which carrier) and the dog suffocated to death.
https://www.united.com/en/us/fly/travel/traveling-with-pets.html
Speak with the vet. Let him know how long trip is (often a moot point given airports and delays today). Check with airport if there is a doggie room; some have them where dog can get out, do his business and etc. Also important to know how long the trip is. Wish there was another way for the two of them. I think you can only keep one small with you and I don't trust when they are not with you. Alas. Talk with the vet. My own dog Abby, long past now, didn't do well on tranquilizers of any kind. Almost like they made her sleepy but her loss of control made her MORE anxious. So I recommend trying a dose before the move.