I have outed myself on SP's posting about her Sister's current problems, so may as well give you all the facts as they stand. Had intended to wait till I knew more, but alas...
As most of you know I am 81 and a "uni" since cancer took my left breast away 35 years ago. At that time no one, including the mammo machine could find the tumor, but adenocarcinoma of the breast was found in an "olive pit" (without the martini) in the underarm (Docs at the time had told me it was nothing but lymph nodes draining something and I had said "I don't care; I want it out."
On biopsy it was two infected lymph nodes fused together. After mastectomy all other nodes were clear. So that was my 1988 (when Cher did Moonstruck, the movie that got me through it all).
I did chemo at that time, and refused radiation. Have walked the world an Amazon since. The ORIGINAL kind.
Well, looks like "it's baaacccckkkk". Found a lump in the L breast a few weeks before Christmas. Scheduled the testing to start just after the new year. To bring you up to date a "very suspicious" lump shows clearly on Mammograms and on ultrasound. I would stake a lot of money on it's being a clone of the Alien. It's irregular to palpation.
So here's the plan.
Kaiser wants a hollow core needle biopsy. I won't do it. I admit to a bit of PTSD re former torture chamber activities, but real reason is that new studies on "seeding" via punching holes in tumors and allowing the contents to leak into your tissue and spread are concerning for me (the only studies are on prostate needle biopsies; go figure).
It is to me counter-intuitive to take an encapsulated malignancy and stick hollow core vacuum needles into it and allow its contents to hemorrhage into your breast. Thence through your system via nodes. While you wait patiently for the lab to tell you what you pretty much already know.
Those of you who have had the procedure and the concomitant "bruising and swelling" may know what I mean.
I have requested a mastectomy on the left, instead, no matter WHAT this mass tests out to be. I don't trust a bit of needlework to say it's OK, and leave it there. I want it off, just as I wanted those nodes OUT.
Medicare doesn't cover mastectomy without biopsy for cancer dx. first; won't cover the removal of breast prophylactically I am told. Though there are some laws about insurance covering a woman with a history of mastectomy on one side --regarding a right to symmetry--they don't pertain to medicare. I may be looking at self-pay, which is OK.
So this is currently the beginning of a bit of a skermish with Kaiser. Hopefully not a war. Because overall I find them quite kind.
I don't intend, positve or negative, to do any chemo or radiation. I am 81 and I am WELL READY, and I have worked hard for the passage of right to die Compassion and Choice laws for my state. I would make good use of them, and all the other GOOD DRUGS and do so until "the end of the saga". Though with the GOOD DRUGS heaven knows what my AC posts would be?
I am not scared (other than of needles that are hollow core punches, hee hee). I am OK. I am thrilled with 35 years cancer free after my first fight. My daughter was only just raised my first bout, and I was only 1 year in my relationship with my current partner.
My family is fully informed and fully on board with my choices. I am having heavy metal armor forged to do battle with the medical system, and a part of me loves to fight (as you are aware).
I want none to worry. We ALL have our "stuff". We all know what it is to walk the walk.
I will update you WHEN I know WHAT I know, and what steps I will take.
Always remember what I always tell folks on AC. No one writes the obituary for an 81 year old and hears "Oh dear, died soooo young!!!"
Tombstone epitaphs gladly accepted. But my latest choice is "Does this mean I don't get to watch The Bishops Wife next Christmas". Only kidding. Not having a tombstone, much as I love them.
I told the doc to take wide margins on this thing (I've visions of The Alien skittering across the surgery floor) as I am quite loathe to return if margins aren't clear for the full mastectomy. It's not about the surgeries, it's about the anxiety! The surgeries, in the past, were a piece of cake compared to my mind's machinations. Always the same for me: the coward dying the 1,000 deaths.
I thank you ALL for your good wishes, your sense of humor, and all the "thoughts and prayers" things sent my way; it has been truly a comfort.
A "trusted friend" here has N.s phone number, with instructions not to bother him until the weekend. If I go South in any way hopefully it is ALL THE WAY SOUTH, and a good climate! (remember--the tombstone is to read "Does this mean I don't get to watch The Bishop's Wife next Christmas?")
I am certain I will be back in typing order quite quickly, because otherwise what are you to do without a "mean girl".?
Many hugs, best wishes, and prayers for you tomorrow. I will be thinking of you and looking forward to updates when you feel up to it again.
Love to you,
Laura
What's your favorite drink? I'll order one and toast our milestones. Just don't say cosmopolitan. That's about the only drink I find too pink and weird. :)
(((((((((((You got this, Alva.))))))))))))) Big virtual squeeze.
Happy Birthday to you, Ali.
And that drink thing? Best offer I have had all day!
I will choose a Margarita with a TON of salt around the rim or a Moscow Mule, which my SIL always makes for me when I visit them for a month in July. Whichever is your favorite. But whatever you toast me with is much appreciated!
Know how much you are loved on this board! 🩷
XOXOXO
Hee!
No as to the vicodin, I got FIVE- 5 mg oxycodones from the doctor.
The normal dosage is 5-15 mg Q4 hours. So my question is this. How long are five gonna last?
I am mostly kidding, because I hope to take none. I am good with pain. I consider it my friend to tell me what is going on. And I expect it. And the ONE pain pill I had with mastectomy turned my bowel to cement, so even with stool softener, I don't want the stuff (made the mastectomy itself feel like no problem at all, that bowel.
But I am just sayin..............Wow, are the loathe to give pain meds these days.
I will need that Moscow Mule if it gets too bad. Or some other kick to the head.
Will have to wait about a week to see what the margins read. Then I will feel pretty good if I don't have to return for more.
I know I CAN do it. I have done.
I just am getting my mileage out of being a huge big baby about it.
Speaking, kids, of pain being a friend. I have had plantar's fasciitis and I know what it is and how long it lasts (about a year for me). My partner had it and same for him. My daughter had it and same for her. Now my SIL has it and the doc is on second round of shooting in steroids. What disturbs me about this is that my SIL at 70 is soooo active. And today was snowshoeing and going to play volleyball tonight. To me, he has lost his good friend, pain. How can he not hurt his healing with this? He is masking the pain with steroids but the condition remains???? I as a nurse told him, but he says no one limited his exercise! I love this man like mad, but he doesn't listen. To old nurses or much of anyone else.
Truly, in a lot of instances, (surely not cancer pain and some others) I do think we mask our pain too much. Our body tries to tell us what's going on and we block it. Sometimes, anyway. But, alas, no one listens to me! Hee.
I am only just seeing this. I am so very sorry. I will be praying that all went well for you today, and that your recovery will be full of good drugs and even better news. I hope you truly feel the love we ac folks have for you. Sue grafton books are great, but go back and read these comments from people you have helped with your intelligence and wit. You are such an amazing person! Many hugs and much prayer heading your way.
There are so many strong women(and men) on this forum. I admire you all.
I thought I already posted this.
Likely I wrote it all out nicely, and then was too ditzed out to press the posting button at about 3 pm today.
Alas, you KNOW what they say about us seniors and anesthesia? More than a few here have suggested I get my head examined. I fear I am a few more cells short.
As Young Frankenstein said the Eggg-gor "IT'S a-LIVVEEEEE" as in "here I am again."
A drain more or less, and not feeling a whole lot of pain.
Back tomorrow pounding away, I would guess.
I thank you ALL for your kind thoughts, your prayers, your love and best wishes. It makes a tremendous difference, honestly.
I will keep you updated. Should know if the margins are clear on the 1st when I do my check in. Everyone was so good to me there in the hospital. It's honestly just a matter of getting past my anxiety. I always know how silly it is, and I always do it.
As I know YOU all know, I am much better at whipping at everyone here into what I call "shape" than in doing it for/to myself. At that latter I am a miserable failure.
Now, let's see. Just how do I post a comment?
Congratulations on taking that very big step, getting it done.
(My atheist friend knows that I am praying for her recovery.).
Some people can live perfectly well with a few more cells blitzed, and you seem to be doing fine!
It is also Ali's birthday:
AliBoBali wrote yesterday:
Feb 20, 2024
Your d-day is my b-day.
I was confused.
That's today.
So Happy Birthday Ali!
After the gentle anesthesia from lasik eye surgery, I was not sure I have returned to my before anesthesia, so I have not been posting much.
Everyone have some cake to celebrate!
We are all waiting for your update. As always, sending love and support your way.
You said: "Tombstone epitaphs gladly accepted. But my latest choice is "Does this mean I don't get to watch The Bishops Wife next Christmas".
Here is what I want on my Tombstone:
Pepperoni, sausage, olives, extra-cheesy.
(Tombstone pizza, that is.)
Not certain if it was YOU or if it was WorriedinCali, or WHO it was. But someone PM'd me some four years ago that I didn't have to answer EVERYTHING.
Whoever it was, I clearly was a bad listener!
Woman, you are gonna have to BURY ME DEEP and put a stake through my heart before I stop answering. Even wearing garlic round your neck won't stop me!
Thank you for the giggle.
Send, I like your epitaph better! Esp. if it gets delivered.
PS look at my update 14 hours ago
And also, know I updated TWICE but the first one I guess I forgot to post. I came back later and it wasn't there! So I am thinking I have lost some brain cells. REALLY! I am having to proofread pretty carefully.
I haven't had to hit those 5 oxycodones. I may get yet to sell them in the street.
Need, I updated 14 hours ago. No one wants to hear that stuff twice! You will find me!
Also, anyone noticing that the site is slow to load things of late? Or is it my loss of brain cells?
Anyway, I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk, as cwillie so well knows (and loves, I am sure).
Hopefully I left the Alien skittering across the OR floor, and they got her NEST as well, but margins arrive in about a week; I am told I will be told whether margins clear or not at my first post op which is first February. Or February 1 (whichever comes first). Hoping not to have to go back in but she sure took enough to need a drain, so hoping. It was certainly her intention.
My 101 year old cousin died not that long ago. I miss her terribly. She was a tiny little spitfire! We referred to her as the ‘energizer bunny’ of our family.
My cousin lived in the present. She had a tough life, loosing her mom when she was an infant. Her father was never in the picture. He abandoned the family after his wife died.
My grandfather’s sisters (my great aunts) raised her. One of my aunts was very mean to her and told her that she was ugly and stupid.
My great aunt told my cousin that she was too ugly to get married (she wasn’t ugly at all) and too stupid to graduate (she graduated with honors) and ended up working in the pentagon for many years before moving back to New Orleans with a handsome man by her side.
She married and had 5 children. She buried two daughters. first daughter at age 5 and the second one at age 40. She had one daughter remaining whom she had a falling out with and two sons that she stayed in contact with.
Nothing kept her down! She always spoke about her next trip, lunch with her friends, exercise class, helping her neighbors (whom she referred to as the “old people” in her independent living facility,) etc.
She wasn’t in a wheelchair, never used a walker. She was always dressed to the nines. She drove her car (ignored me when I asked her to please stop driving) and went to her school reunions until age 100. She was the oldest living alumni of her school. She had all of her faculties and never missed a beat! Her body just gave out at 101 years old!
Now that she is gone, I am claiming you as the ‘energizer bunny’ of our AgingCare family, who makes me smile just like my cousin did for as long as I can remember! 😊